Dreamers of the Day

War and Wisdom

2011-12-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

There are times when I believe war (domestic or foreign) begins with miscommunication or misunderstanding or both. This is not to discount human depravity, but to account for the fact many times we assume evil for good and vice versa. Adam assumed Eve’s gift of a fruit to be good and Peter assumed the Roman’s arrest of Christ to be evil. Both assumptions led to drastic actions that altered the lives of many people. In our broken minds, we assume knowledge to be the foundation of an action, only to realize this world was not even founded by knowledge. We assume the people before us that we can see, touch, taste, feel, hear can be known, but can change to unknown thus altering the way we communicate and understand. For it is the peacemaker that understands this and can gain everyone as an ally instead of an adversary.

May my eyes be opened to see this.

Wisdom is the principle thing. Therefore get wisdom and with thy getting, get understanding. (Prov. 4:7)

EMINEM - LOSE YOURSELF (CHIPMUNK)

2009-01-28T16:54:00.001-08:00

The Gospel

2009-01-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

“…because of the hope laid up for you in heaven, of which you previously heard in the word of truth, the gospel which has come to you, just as in all the world also it is constantly bearing fruit and increasing…” Col. 1:4-5

As I read this passage as a “mature” Christian, who is knowledgeable and well trained in Christian doctrine, once again I stumble across the word “gospel” and move on. I can easily explain it and share about it, but seldom ponder it. Today I had a chance to ponder it and it reminded me of my ignorance as well as my salvation by Jesus.

As the cliché goes, the gospel is “the good news”. It is that which the good Christian tells others if he or she is doing their “job” as a Christian. One may explain it by the Roman Road, or 4 Spiritual Laws or many other charts. As I sit and ponder this, I think it is more than a process to infinite afterlife with Christ. The gospel, as we know, is a story. It is the full story of Christ which ends with the phrases, “it is finished” and “He is risen.” This is not a story of glamour and love depicted in this world, but it is a story of real glamour and love. Like soldiers in a battle far from the main fronts receiving word that the war is over, so too is the individual who hears of the gospel and believes. The striving can cease. The worry can be nullified. The fear of death can subside. It is finished.

This does not mean the Christian simply lays around and “does nothing”. There is a rest, but also a work. Many modern people—including Christians—cringe at the word “work”. Yet, according to scriptures, work occurred before the fall (did not Adam have a job?) and is to be done (“work out your salvation”). This is not a work to gain anything, but simply to let something out. Those who believe in this so called “good news” do not have anything to gain or lose. One cannot grasp the love God has for them and therefore cannot do anything to receive more or less of this love. Those who believe in this “good news” let out what has happened.

This letting out is a tricky thing. It may come out broken as the embodiment of the individual begins to walk this new way. It may come out morally perfect. Yet, the expression of this “news” does not define the individual, but what that individual believes. As this new life emerges from a dead body (but physically living), this “good news” slowly transforms this body into a well oiled instrument, tuned to the Creator’s music. As Paul further writes in Colossians, in the same chapter, the goal of the person who believes the “good news” does not become morally perfect in everything, but attains “all steadfastness and patience” (Col. 1:11).

I have received the “good news” today. It is finished. He is risen.

Oasis - The Shock Of The Lightning

2008-11-24T16:31:00.001-08:00

Finally, they are making great music again.

Mission

2008-10-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

"Once you have a mission," (Shai)Agassi told me over dinner one night last winter, "you can't go back to having a job."

//http://www.wired.com/cars/futuretransport/magazine/16-09/ff_agassi

Engaged

2008-10-14T11:28:00.000-07:00

On Friday, October 10, I became engaged to an amazing woman named Courtney Odom.

What If

2008-10-08T07:17:00.000-07:00

After a dismal debate between two candidates, who do not have original thoughts, politics has never looked more disconnected. In a world where budgets are too large and spending is too great, both candidates support increases of deficits or spending while painting a picture that we as a country can “eat our cake too”. We cannot have everything.

In a country “for the people, by the people”, we have been given two choices that are similar. We have slowly become numb of the reason why we vote, why we should care about Washington and what the words “economy”, “Capitalism” and “government” really mean.

This is not recent, but a gradual decline of rational thinking by the public. We cannot afford to allow this to go on and wait for others to change the economy, government and the likes. Change does not happen at an executive level: it is local. It is made of similar minded people, choosing to be bold.

What if Americans simply expressed their view that two candidates are not good enough? It doesn’t have to be a violent protest or carry an angry demeanor, but simply casting a vote for an independent party representative. What if Americans wanted to explore and experiment other economic systems (there is more than Imperialistic-Capitalism and Socialism)? What if the public began choosing their own means, not changing currency, but using other items of currency or bartering?

What if the public began to use their minds and gifts instead of buy or rely on the gifts of the few, rich talented ones?

An Inconvient Truth

2008-10-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

A FINANCIAL crisis on the scale of the one unfolding on Wall Street would be terrible at any juncture. But the timing of this one is astonishingly bad. In one corner is a president with just over a hundred days left to serve, who many people believe is among the most calamitous ever to occupy the White House. In the other corner is Congress, where a third of the Senate and the whole of the House face re-election in exactly one month’s time. Flickering in and out of the fray are the two presidential candidates, whose campaigns have become the playthings of forces over which they have no control. If ever there were a recipe for poor political leadership, this is it.

The malign coincidence of crash and election reinforces the difficulties. Political weakness makes it hard to get to grips with a reeling economy, and the economic crisis disrupts the process of choosing a new president. Most obviously, it is distracting attention from the contest. At a time when voters ought to be weighing up the candidates’ characters, records and policies, the airwaves are saturated with the grim news from the world’s banks and bourses. Even worse, the crisis makes a mockery of many of the campaign promises laboriously crafted in focus groups and policy workshops, and methodically laid out on the stump and via the internet.

Read all about it
Even before the cost of bail-outs is considered, the budget deficit for the current fiscal year is estimated at slightly over $400 billion, already about 3% of GDP. If America were part of the EU, it would be facing trouble for breaching the Maastricht guidelines; and if it moves into full-blown recession next year’s deficit will be a lot worse. Even though the full $700 billion cost of the proposed bail-out would be spread over several years, and the offsetting value of the loans the government intends to buy up will increase if the bail-out works, the current crisis is likely to drive a large hole through a budget that already looks stretched. Deficits do, and ought to, rise in recessions; but if they start out high and are coupled with promises of expensive tax cuts and spending boosts, the long-term consequences for the public finances are alarming.

This week we publish a special 20-page briefing looking at the pledges the two presidential candidates have made; we also have a survey of economists examining their schemes—(see article). Both men are exposed to a budget crunch (as indeed are parties elsewhere, such as Britain’s Tories—see article). John McCain has the bigger tax cuts, but an empty Treasury may hurt Barack Obama more because he has proposed a lot more on the spending side. He has more promises that may have to be broken if there is no money.

To many voters, Mr Obama’s most attractive single policy is that he is committed to introducing universal health coverage, ending the disgraceful situation whereby some 46m Americans have no health cover and get little or no health care until they end up in an emergency room. On top of that, tens of millions more have health cover that is restricted or inadequate, and an even larger number fear that they could fall into one or other of these categories should they lose their jobs and the health insurance that goes with them.

Fixing health care is a laudable aim, but even on Mr Obama’s own reckoning, it will cost some $50 billion-65 billion a year, and most analysts think that the true price would be a lot more. Mr Obama also promises investment in alternative energy, affordable university tuition, a big push to upgrade America’s crumbling infrastructure and much else. He has admitted, under questioning, that the state of the economy means that some of these promises will have to be “delayed”. He has been, unsurprisingly, reluctant to say which ones.

Mr McCain’s problems are rather different. He has made fewer economic promises than Mr Obama has, but the ones he has made, mainly to business in the shape of slashing corporate taxes from 35% to 25%, and allowing immediate write-offs of lots of equipment, are very expensive. One reason why our polled economists come out so heavily against Mr McCain is because the deficit would rise dramatically under his plan. Against that, few people, including probably Mr McCain himself, have ever believed that he would get his tax cuts through a Democrat-controlled Congress. To that extent at least, the Republican, who once used to be a fiscal conservative, has less to lose in the crunch. But that is hardly a flattering yardstick.

The candidates’ economic plans are still a useful guide to their very different political philosophies. But when it comes to paying for it all, neither is offering much straight talk.

-The Economist, October 4th

Thoughts

2008-10-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

Economics is the study of how people use resources.

All resources originate from natural materials quarried or harvested from the earth.

The curse after the fall was a curse of the ground or earth. Everything made from the ground--including man--was cursed.

All things originate from that which is in the ground. Therefore, all things are cursed.

If Jesus redeemed those who were cursed, how does this apply to the way we use cursed items? Can that which was made from cursed items (the ground) be used to redeem other cursed items?

Too many times I hear the word “more” in discussions of finances, economics and spiritual growth. Our maturity in this world is determined by what we have. Whether it is a car, house or knowledge of the Bible, the people with “more” are those to be praised and respected. A person without a car, home, job or much knowledge of the Bible is despised, “ministered” too by the one with “much,” or judged as worthless. It is a social virus inflecting our minds to think Christians need more. This is seen in the world of economics. It is time to dismiss this boy’s philosophy and adhere to the truth not by brainwashing it, but asking to see it. The gospel does not affect economics by telling us how to spend our money, how much to give and where we are blowing our budgets. The gospel affects economics by revealing the source and sink. Here is how a Christian should view economics:

-The earth was created by God
-Economics is the study of how people use resources all stemming from that made of earth or minerals in the earth
-Things made of earth are used to make more things of earth
-All things will be reduced once again to minerals of the earth

Therefore, if it begins and ends in the earth, and man did not create earth, why do we think petitions and actions of man can affect the earth?

------

Faith: Jesus states if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains (Luke 17)
Purity: A Christian is forgiven of all of their sins. Yet, a Christian finds this difficult to believe because they keep surprising themselves with sin they can accomplish. Salvation and forgiveness is made known to those who have met Christ and is revealed through life by Grace through Faith. If sin occurred against an infinite God, the judgment is infinite. If propitiation was accomplished by Him who lives infinitely, then why does it matter when he who was ransomed sinned? Since sin and the forgiveness of sins occurred in eternity, the restraints of time only affect whether this truth is accepted by mortal beings.

Graceconomics

2008-10-06T07:50:00.000-07:00

So they watched him and sent spies, who pretended to be sincere, that they might catch him in something he said, so as to deliver him up to the authority and jurisdiction of the governor. So they asked him, "Teacher, we know that you speak and teach rightly, and show no partiality, but truly teach the way of God. Is it lawful for us to give tribute to Caesar, or not?" But he perceived their craftiness, and said to them, "Show me a denarius. Whose likeness and inscription does it have?" They said, "Caesar’s." He said to them, "Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s." And they were not able in the presence of the people to catch him in what he said, but marveling at his answer they became silent.

Luke 20:20-26

Economics

2008-10-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

"Woe to him who heaps up what is not his own—
For how long?—
And loads himself with pledges!
Will not your debtors suddenly arise,
and those awake who will make you tremble?
Then you will be spoil for them.”

Habakkuk 2:6-8

Santiago Calatrava

2008-05-30T10:36:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed. Right in front of me at my jobsite office is a window with a view to this magnificent materpiece. Santiago Calatrava created this moving sculpture and I get to watch it all day.

What if

2008-05-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve discovered in myself a compulsion to do because of gain. Whether it is at work, in a romantic relationship, friendships or players, I seldom do simply because I am. What if I did based on the life within me and not a life that I am trying to create? What if I lived because life has been given to me and not because I find life in that which I do? What if I love based on a love that has been given to me and not based on that which will love back? It seems to me that love is as indescribable as life itself and both are joined. To love unconditional is to live infinitely. One cannot love unconditionally independently because life is not determined by humanity. If life is not sourced by humanity and love comes from life, then love is not sourced by humanity. Therefore, the only boundary to love is hate and death, which is the same boundary of life as well.

REM - Find The River

2008-05-08T21:10:00.001-07:00

Feist music video

2008-03-26T23:22:00.007-07:00

Warren Barfield- 10 Hours

2008-03-26T23:22:00.005-07:00

Jennifer Knapp Martyrs and Thieves

2008-03-26T23:22:00.001-07:00

George Carlin on Religion

2008-03-04T19:24:00.001-08:00

I find this video interesting because I disagree with him, but I like his honesty.

On Being

2008-02-18T17:41:00.000-08:00

"My soul does not find itself unless it acts. Therefore it must act. Stagnation and inactivity bring spiritual death. But my soul must not project itself entriely into the outward effects of its activity. I do not need to see myself, I merely need to be myself. I must think and act like a living being, but I must not plunge my whole self into what I think and do, or seek always to find myself in the work I have done. The soul that projects itself entirely into activity, and seeks itself outside itself in the work of its own will is like a madman who sleeps on the sidewalk in front of his house instead of living inside where it is quiett and warm. The soul that throws itself outdoors in order to find itself in the effects of its own work is like a fire that has no desire ot burn but seeks only to go up in smoke.

The reason why men are so anxious to see themseles, instead of being content to be themselves, is that they do not really believe in their own existence. And they do not fully believe that they exist because they do not believe in God. This is equally true of those who say they believe in God (without actually putting their faith into practice) and of those who do not even pretend ot have any faith. "

-Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

Brian Regan - comedy - slamming airlines

2008-02-10T23:12:00.001-08:00

Band of Horses - Monsters

2008-02-10T19:30:00.001-08:00

Band Of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You

2008-01-28T20:57:00.001-08:00

Here's a newer band. Great music and if you live in Dallas, they'll be here Saturday night.

Lauryn Hill 'Selah'

2008-01-28T20:56:00.001-08:00

This was sent to me by a friend: GREAT lyrics.

Thoughts on Grace

2007-11-21T19:49:00.000-08:00

“I did not have a perceived need for God. I assumed I did not need Him. Praise the Lord that in these times, He will take my zeal for other things and make it a zeal for Him. For alone, I cannot... anything, self-will eventually dissolves” –Creth Davis

I like this statement because it communicates the amazing part of salvation. I believe that inside each individual is an inclination to do right. I have not met someone who does not have morals, but I hear they exist and would be excited to talk with them. However, most people I know have morals or a gauge of right or wrong. You do not need to believe in Jesus, Allah or Yahweh to be moral. You simply must recognize the inclination inside of you—like Oprah does.

Inclining to be good is not salvation.

One can have an inclination to be good, but that does not help in the explanation of the bad in this world. As I have said recently, Christianity gives me peace not because of the good it forecasts, but the bad it explains. To be saved, one must expect a hope of something good happening (i.e. being rescued from a burning building), but there also must be a recognition of impending danger. One is saved from something bad in full knowledge of the result of the bad. This is the uniqueness of Christianity. How can a finite person understand the impending damage of an angry, infinite God? If Christian so believe that salvation is from Hell alone, then the point of life would be none-hell.

The infinite, spiritual world in our modern, capitalistic, existential world is reduced to that which is seen. The great sins today are those that can be seen vividly: the sexual sins and sins of self-control. A Christian is marked by their appearance and what they do and do not do. Life, spiritual progress and sanctification are measured by sight and if the problem is “seen” any more. The visibility of Christianity has replaced the depth of the invisible soul and comfortable existence is then pursued. That is why a Christian can be doing something routine for long periods of time, long in regularity thinking they are good by their actions.

The perception of the Christian has become finite when an infinite God is alive in them, but they choose not to discover this point.

Such is the discussion of grace. Grace is limited to the sins seen and applied to the external problems. “I have a problem loving this person, so by grace I can say nice things about them.” “I have a problem with my weight, but by grace I will diet and lose this weight.” “It is by grace I received a new car.” Yes, these things can be an expression of God’s grace. Yet, it is often confused with good things, blessings and the like. Grace is rarely associated with painful, arduous situations. That is the point of contention. Grace cannot be a medicinal application for fixing, but something different. One does not use grace as one uses a patch in a tear, plaster on a wall or duct on a leaky hose.

Much like salvation, post-salvation “fixing”—a.k.a. sanctification—is not developed by the person being rescued, but the rescuer. Jesus revealed Himself as “the way” not by giving a list of things to do, but of emptying Himself and dying. It was the fullness of His divinity that allowed Him to vacate his humanity. In other words, if Jesus had grace at its fullest potential, then grace allow the loss of life and not the preservation of it.

If one possesses grace, one will have the strangest desires to give up their life. How is this different than the suicidal bomber who gives their life for the glory of their god? What about Israel in the Old Testament? Didn’t they destroy people, which in theory was in the name of the same God that sent His Son? Why was blood sacrifices demanded by this God who loves and invented grace? To love and not have limits is not love. John Dominic Crossan once stated in a lecture: “Justice without love is brutality. Love without justice is banality.” Justice and the discretion of right and wrong is a natural expression of love. Therefore, in justice, penalties exist. That penalty according to an infinite God is the continual presence of that which represent loss of life—blood. Blood always had to cover the alter by God’s law. God did not demand the loss of life of humanity except for the point of murder or sins that were not confessed.

What about the killing of other people by the Jews? If it is the same God, where was the grace and mercy? Why is this different than some lunatic, suicidal bomber who kills the “wicked” people? If you read the Old Testament you will find that Israel too was massacred. In the Old Testament, it is quite clear that God was not about destroying one people group, and exalting another, but justice. Whether it was His chosen people or another, both experienced His judgment. Could the suicidal bomber be a transit of His judgment? Or, could they be an expression of the sin in this world? Both could be true, but in the end, one must conclude that justice must be present where love exists.

I think grace is more closely related to death than life. I tend to think I need to get grace in order to live the life I am called to. I cannot get it. It is not an economical exchange just like warmth from the sun or the air that I breathe. The part I play in grace is the surrender of life. I have been given life and I am in need of a new life. It happened at the start of salvation and is still needed. This is where grace steps in. Grace allows me to give up my life and live something differently. If Jesus was full of grace, then His example of death in order to live must be applicable to grace. If one wants to experience grace, one must lose their life in order for the other life to live. One cannot live in desire to be Christian while maintaining moral goodness. This is not grace, but religion. Grace calls for an infinite death, as Christ died, and nothing less.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T19:46:00.000-08:00

"Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants."-Kevin James

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

When my pride and selfish dies in the revelation of His love for me, I find myself in awe of the gifts God has given to me.

Hold Me Jesus

2007-11-13T20:05:00.000-08:00

Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Champions

2007-11-10T17:28:00.000-08:00

It has a good ring to it doesn't it? My under twelve soccer team won our areas tournament and now are champions. It hasn't happened to me much--especially as a coach, so I am enjoying this place.

Putting words together to explain the journey each of the kids and I have been on as a team the last few weeks would be very difficult to do. We have faced adversity in many ways, being beaten badly, but the kids kept fighting. They never gave up completely.

I have seen Jarki start with a terrible attitude and disconnect with his teammate and then change to cheeing on and encouraging them. I have seen Angela dislike soccer until one day she chose to play and has done so well. Dagum, the goalie thought he knew everything then decided to listen and learn while playing hard and played great in the last two games. The list goes on and on.

I too could not exit the season without massive changes inside of me. My God is so patient with me allowing my weaknesses to be revealed and yet He still loves me. There are multitudes of reasons why I coached soccer, but whether the good reason outweigh the bad I do not know. But this I know: my righteous is not and cannot be from me and is simply given to me making my actions pure in His sight. I do not know why. I just know that is true.

Grace

2007-11-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

My definition of grace has been based on external actions. "Unmerited favor" as mentioned in a previous post is the definition that made the most sense to me. I'm not sure why it did, but I could grasp it. Maybe that's why I forsook questioning it. To me, unmerited favor is something that is voiced. If someone is favorable to you, something pleasant will be said or expressed. I would agree with the statement that "actions speak louder than words", but they do not replace them. Nothing lifts the spirits like an old fashion, "good job Jason." Favor is this. Unmerited favor would be to receive this pleasantry without doing a thing that is deserving of accolades. Obviously, grace is a Christian term and thus its relationship is to those who confess in a Jesus Christ to begin with. But, does that mean grace was not evident when Jesus was not here?

It is my understanding that the law passed to Moses was never written to save, but to reveal. The one who violated it did not take it upon himself to cleanse, but trusted in a sacrifice toward that God that would judge him. This was apparent before the law as well in the story of Cain and Abel where sacrifices were being made. Then, the law was passed which instituted a greater revelation of God. Upon the virgin's labor pains, a Savior was born thus marking an even greater revelation of God's love. He did come and save and now faith is to be placed in Him instead of a list of sacrifices that determines cleansing. Where does grace fit in?

If grace occurs for the first time in the New Testament, was this the only time it existed? Or, perhaps, it has always existed, but never mentioned? To ponder this, I think an analysis of the characteristics of Judeo-Christianity should be sought before and after Jesus' life. What changed? For one thing, the object of the faith has changed. However, faith in an object still exists: the object changed. Secondly, the Holy Spirit was given to the Christians after His ascent. This point is debatable because of the mention of "spirit" in certain Psalms and the departing of it from an Israelite. One could conclude that in the Old Testament, the Spirit would come and go based on the purity of the inhabited person, but after His death, it was a permanent dwelling. If this is true, this is a very interesting point on grace. Another change that occurred which people will mention is the church. It was now a collection of races, not just one, who could believe in Yahweh and Jesus Christ. However, didn't the racial and nationality barrier already fall in the Old Testament? Where other people allowed to partake of Yahweh and believe in Him even-though they were not Jews? Melchidek is an example of a person who was not of the linage of the Jews, yet the father of Judaism paid tribute to him. The Holy Scriptures changed with the addition of Jesus' teachings. But, wasn't almost all of His teachings based on the Old Testament? Apart from the end times and heaven, isn't most of the New Testament a repetition of the Old Testament, just with a different audience?

My argument is this: if that which has changed from Judaism to Christianity is simply the object of our faith, could grace also be found in the Old Testament? Is grace simply a new phenomenon that was invented for the believer, or has it always existed, but in another form? I understand grace as intimate with actions. It is rarely mentioned with the terms of understanding, or emotions. Grace does not mend with economics, but with spirituality. It's as if it is in a world of itself, but the believer will be quick to point out it changes all other worlds. So, if it is this life changing aspect of Christianity, then why is it not listed with economics, geometry or fashion? Why only spirituality? That's what makes it very difficult to comprehend. In a world moved by the movable, seen by the seeing and touched by the touching, grace sneaks up like a prankster. The redeemed Christian will "grasp" the concept and rely on grace, but deflates it of use. Much like a lamb in the day before Christ, the Jews kept them around knowing they would have use of it one day. They knew of their fate as does the modern Christian, but only trust in it a certain times of need. This is where the difference of the objects of faith comes into play. The lamb died in the Old Testament. The Christ died and rose again. His law was far greater than past law, thus a sacrifice was continually needed. If that which was sacrificed is continually living, then something must be different. It's got to be different.

I think that something is grace. To trap it in a definition of favor, to me, seems Western. To find favor in God's eyes and be reconciled to Him is a grand fact, but there is something smaller. This something is the way it affects the everyday, visible life. God's love does affect the everyday life, but grace makes it seen. That is why a "capability of incapability" definition is attractive to me. It helps me explain why I can have wicked thoughts, trailed by tainted actions and yet be used by God. Grace is given to Christians and non-Christians. What segregates is the reaction to this. Some will say, "thank you Jesus." Others will say, "thank you lucky stars." Regardless of my god, I will be given grace.

This is the capable part. Sinners and saints both have life and reign in areas they have been given. The incapable part comes when those things somehow do not satisfy and a search commences. This is an important point in which I get backwards. I am quick to think that because of my Salvation, I am capable of righteousness. Righteousness has nothing to do with capability and thus these words cannot be used. The only capable thing I can do is realize my incapability, which was impossible before salvation. The more I understand my incapability, the more I understand grace. Once a person comes into contact with the Savior, a desire to follow Him sprouts. This, is the incapable part. The incapability of grace cannot be capable with Jesus Christ. In other other words, it is impossible to see a need for Salvation without Jesus Christ.

Now, one may argue that salvation is sought regardless of the belief. I would state that affection, love and importance is sought, but salvation is not. To understand, look at any other religions statement of depravity, sin or why people do bad things. Many are stumped or inept in this topic because salvation is not desired. If it was, they would have an answer to the bad things in man without excusing man. But, they do not.

John 17

2007-10-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

1-5 Jesus said these things. Then, raising his eyes in prayer, he said:
Father, it's time.
Display the bright splendor of your Son
So the Son in turn may show your bright splendor.
You put him in charge of everything human
So he might give real and eternal life to all in his charge.
And this is the real and eternal life:
That they know you,
The one and only true God,
And Jesus Christ, whom you sent.
I glorified you on earth
By completing down to the last detail
What you assigned me to do.
And now, Father, glorify me with your very own splendor,
The very splendor I had in your presence
Before there was a world.
I spelled out your character in detail
To the men and women you gave me.
They were yours in the first place;
Then you gave them to me,
And they have now done what you said.
They know now, beyond the shadow of a doubt,
That everything you gave me is firsthand from you,
For the message you gave me, I gave them;
And they took it, and were convinced
That I came from you.
They believed that you sent me.
I pray for them.
I'm not praying for the God-rejecting world
But for those you gave me,
For they are yours by right.
Everything mine is yours, and yours mine,
And my life is on display in them.
For I'm no longer going to be visible in the world;
They'll continue in the world
While I return to you.
Holy Father, guard them as they pursue this life
That you conferred as a gift through me,
So they can be one heart and mind
As we are one heart and mind.
As long as I was with them, I guarded them
In the pursuit of the life you gave through me;
I even posted a night watch.
And not one of them got away,
Except for the rebel bent on destruction
(the exception that proved the rule of Scripture).

Now I'm returning to you.
I'm saying these things in the world's hearing
So my people can experience
My joy completed in them.
I gave them your word;
The godless world hated them because of it,
Because they didn't join the world's ways,
Just as I didn't join the world's ways.
I'm not asking that you take them out of the world
But that you guard them from the Evil One.
They are no more defined by the world
Than I am defined by the world.
Make them holy—consecrated—with the truth;
Your word is consecrating truth.
In the same way that you gave me a mission in the world,
I give them a mission in the world.
I'm consecrating myself for their sakes
So they'll be truth-consecrated in their mission.

I'm praying not only for them
But also for those who will believe in me
Because of them and their witness about me.
The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind—
Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you,
So they might be one heart and mind with us.
Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me.
The same glory you gave me, I gave them,
So they'll be as unified and together as we are—
I in them and you in me.
Then they'll be mature in this oneness,
And give the godless world evidence
That you've sent me and loved them
In the same way you've loved me.

Father, I want those you gave me
To be with me, right where I am,
So they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me,
Having loved me
Long before there ever was a world.
Righteous Father, the world has never known you,
But I have known you, and these disciples know
That you sent me on this mission.
I have made your very being known to them—
Who you are and what you do—
And continue to make it known,
So that your love for me
Might be in them
Exactly as I am in them.

Thoughts

2007-10-31T20:03:00.000-07:00

It seems that I am always in a state of renovation, whether I realize it or not. Sometime I pray for a pure heart, while finding myself in the middle of a purification process. "No, this is not how it is supposed to go", I tell myself and I attempt a rationalization of the pain. It is usually someone else or something else that is the problem, not me. But then, after the long struggle, I feel like Jacob, struggling with the angel in the dream until he is paralyzed. I had no idea how hard following my Savior would be and how much death I would have to incur. I had no idea how much I was in need of salvation and how bad off I was and still am. My sins still surprise me greatly, but in that moment, my actions once dripping with guilt, self-righteousness and pride are made clean by His love.

Grace is defined by many theologians as "unmerited favor." An older friend once questioned, "if it is unmerited, what is merited favor? What do we have that is merited favor in God's eyes?" I would agree. I think now I would define grace as the ability to be capable in incapability. Without love from above, all that I do and all that I am is but a form and function without connection. Because of His love, I am able to do in a form that connects with my function.

So, in this connection process, I continually find myself "coaching" or teaching people. How do you teach kids a skill and goal of life or a game, without strings attached? How do you communicate His grace through laws without merited favor? Is merited favor simply a default tendency of humanity?

Psalm 73

2007-10-15T01:05:00.000-07:00

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

"Do you love Me?"

2007-10-15T01:02:00.000-07:00

My favorite gospel is the book of John. I think it is because of the humility and heart of Jesus that is revealed as well as the language. It is in the book that one finds the reinstating of Peter in chapter twenty-one.

Peter is the disciple I find myself most like. I can be passionate for something when I don't know the expectations of the call and run when the expectations are voiced. I can be a strong leader at times, not wavering in my defense of my Savior, only to run when standing for Him will cost my life. I can trust Him easily only to doubt Him in the very next second. Peter is transparent in the gospels, letting his depravity and brokenness out while following this person he calls Master and Lord.

In this chapter, Jesus asks Peter, "Do you love me?" Peter responds "yes" and Jesus says something to the effect of "help or feed my sheep". And this is what has inspired me:

Recently, it seems my knowledge and definition of love has been rediscover and revealed to me in a different way. I have always been very sensitive to this subject and love (no pun intended) learning about this. My greatest litmus test is my closest friends, family and enemies. If I cannot love them, then I don't even try to love others. I work very hard at this and if I cannot resolve issues in these circles, then I find in myself a failure to love. However, people change and I change and slowly my heart has drifted from this point until recently.

I have always been involved in serving in some form or fashion. Growing up with a father who was a pastor of a small church, the pastor or his family was expected to do everything. We were always setting up or tearing down something. We were always helping out. I had this notion ingrained in me at a young age and now it is a perfunctory task. While in Dallas, I have served vast amounts of people. God has shifted and moved me toward varying walks of life and to write about all the interactions with the many different people would take hours. It has truly been a blessing to meet the very different people I have met, but the reasons why I am doing this are being distilled in me. In serving others at a early age, I found myself thinking I am not selfish at all. Then, especially while I have been in Dallas, my heart and depravity of it has slowly been revealed to me. My selfishness and pride in serving has taken a life of its own and a secretive one at that. It can live and move while flying under the radar of "grotesque sins" because it is "good, sweet and helpful." I can pour hours of my time and energy in the betterment of X individual and never even question my motive in the first place.

Now, that motive is being question by my Savior. In fact, EVERY motive is and when I sit and ponder my actions, my sin has tainted every action I take. When I ponder this, a scene in the movie Independence Day comes to mind. It is when the humans have gone and dreadfully bombed the aliens with nuclear warfare only to find the aliens still remaining. The aliens repelled the greatest attack only to be reported by the army in the great line I love: "Negative sir. The target still remains. I repeat, the target still remains." When I find myself fighting, disciplining, perfecting, working, serving and "growing" in this Christian life, the revelation of my depravity still surprises me. "What?!?!?!? How could I have such sin in my life?" So it is my typical reaction then to fix the problem and move on because Christianity is progressive like the rest of the world and I must move forward.

But I can't.

I am completely incapable of doing anything without sin. Every thought, deed or action, even my prayers, seem to be tainted with this thing I despise. And thus I am humbled at the fact that I am a Christian. This is such basic truth in the Christian faith which reveals the place at which I am at. "It's not what you know, but who you know" is a popular phrase in the corporate or "professional" world, and such is the case in the spiritual world. I do not follow Christ because I have been qualified and I am a strong person who can "hang with Him." I follow Him, I need Him, because I am a sinner. Not yesterday. Not twelve years ago. Not tomorrow, but in the present. I can "sell all my gifts to feed the poor, and give my body to be burned. But without love, it profits me nothing." I am just a big bell, trying to get attention and love when the Person I was created for is offering His freely.

It is at this point that John twenty-one hits me. Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him. At the basic response of "I do" from Peter, then Jesus gives him a task. This is the process in which to follow. If you love Jesus, then go and serve, and not the other way around. For if you reverse the process, then all hell will break lose. I find this true in my own life. Without my Savior's love, I can twist every "ministry" action, gift, talent and asset to be used for my glory. I am a sinner and will sin when I reject Christ's love. But, if I am moved by this great love, I can do all things without guilt or expectations or greed. Regardless of my heart, His will is revealed, but when I am moved by His love, it is easier for me to move others while pointing to Him. In child like fashion, it is the love of a Savior that renovates the heart of a sinner and moves him to pour himself out for others. It is in this love that all other "problems" or issues are resolved or fade to grey. I was created to love and be love and when I receive God's love, it brings me life.

Going Home

2007-10-04T22:04:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard this song, this is another Sarah Grove song and this ALWAYS comes to mind when I am heading to the midwest (home).

I’ve been feeling kind of restless
I’ve been feeling out of place
I can hear a distant singing
A song that I can’t write
And it echoes of what I’m always trying to say

There’s a feeling I can’t capture
It’s always just a prayer away
I want to know the ending
Things hoped for but not seen
But I guess that’s the point of hoping anyway

Of going home, I’ll meet you at the table
Going home, I’ll meet you in the air
And you are never too young to think about it
Oh, I cannot wait to be home

I’m confined by my senses
To really know what you are like
You are more than I can fathom
And more than I can guess
And more than I can see with you in sight

But I have felt you with my spirit
I have felt you fill this room
And this is just an invitation
Just a sample of the whole
And I cannot wait to be going home

Going home, I’ll meet you at the table
Going home, I’ll meet you in the air
And you are never too young to think about it
Oh, I cannot wait to be going, to be going home

Face to face, how can it be
Face to face, how can it be
Face to face, how can it be

Cuz this is just an invitation
Just a sample of the whole
And I cannot wait to be going home

Pure Heart

2007-10-04T21:33:00.000-07:00

Whenever I head back to the midwest, the music of Sarah Grove comes to mind. It is weird, but when I was at Purdue, I found myself listening to one of her CD's multiple times. I was painting a bookshelf the other night and listened to the CD and this song translated what I am learning about the depravity of my heart and why Jesus would love me.

Why do I pray? Do I pray to say I prayed an hour?
Why do I love? Do I want you beholden to me?
Why do I help? Do I help to hear my name called out?
And why do I sing?

Chorus:
Search me and know my heart, oh God.
See if there is any wrong thing in me.
All I have ever really wanted –
Clean hands and a pure heart.

Why do I give? Do I give so I can get a blessing?
Why do I praise? Do I praise to do the right thing?
Why do I serve? Do I serve so others will serve me?
And Why do I sing?

Chorus:
Search me and know my heart, oh God.
See if there is any wrong thing in me.
All I have ever really wanted –
Clean hands and a pure heart.

Getting Away

2007-07-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

In the song Fly Away, singer Lenny Kravitz explains his reasons of why he would like to “get away”. I am not sure where he would like to go, but the song simply speaks about another place than where he is at. Many other songs I have heard recently have echoed this same theme. Begrudgingly mentioned, Kelly Clarkson repeats Kravitz’s idea in Breakaway, a hit with the masses. Whether it is getting away from a lover, a home or simply the body, I’ve noticed many new “popular” songs referencing this idea of “getting away”.

It is also found in everyday life. We have instituted weekends and vacation days to “get away” from our mundane life. Today, people live for the weekends so they can escape and be free. For vacations, some really get away to remote places in the world such as the mountains or beaches. Living in a mountain town exposed me to these people in their “get away” state whether they were vacationing or permanently placed. As John Denver states, “he left yesterday behind him, you might say he was born again. You might say he found the key to every door”. Mountains and oceans will do that to a person. To experience the vastness of nature humbles a person. Yet, in these mountain towns, these people who were “finding themselves” reacted similarly to a city slicker. Not in the sense that the city person clung to positions and modernity’s comforts, but there was a place they always would rather be. In the mountains, there are plenty of other activities in nature to do to conquer, but the same problem existed. The person could never get away, but the opportunities to try were greater than what cities offer.

The internet, tv, movies and books all play crucial roles in our escape from reality. When can become someone else, do greater things and be in another world at the touch of our hands and the launch of our imagination. I have seen people in a sea of humans, but they do not speak to those around them, but on their cell phones or other communication device to another person who may very well be in outer space.

I am not sure why this topic continues to surface in many things I see and hear. One could react and say it is the human being reacting to its limitations, thus it is trying to become something greater. Bears do not try and fly. Squirrels are not prone to swim. The rest of nature seems to be satisfied with their abilities except for the human. One may argue that this is the result of the “fall” and sin. This could be a valid point in that we were created in His image and now we are disconnected from this purpose unless we know Him.

Or, it could be something else…

Existentialism is prevalent today. In one of the greatest and most successful albums in recent times, X & Y, Coldplay repeatedly mentions the notion: “if you never try then you’ll never know.” The basis of existentialism is in the essence of the being and this being must be let out through actions that are physically felt. It is solely based on the senses because knowledge must be met and knowledge is only contained in the senses. Thus, to be alive, you must feel. To be greater than life itself is the ultimate goal. Flying, would do that.

Why flying? Why is “getting away” such an important idea? I do believe solitude and rest is beneficial to all, but selfishly done and it will become something terrible. Emerson rights in his essay Self-Reliance that a great man holds to his solitude while being in a crowd and I would concur. Most people who want to get away are not saying this because a job is going well, a marriage or relationship is fine or a dream is being fulfilled. Why would anyone want to leave such a place? It would be like leaving heaven because you could do better. Yet, when “something” happens, this all changes. The once perfect situation now is hell and this person who apparently is created in the image of God, now wants to make like a tree and leave.

To Change

2007-07-24T20:57:00.001-07:00

It is fascinating observing people and what they like to watch. What seems to get people’s attention the most is a transformation or change in front of their own eyes. Whether it is weather (no pun intended), lights, plants or a chemical reaction, many people are attracted to this sort of thing. It is similar to the moment in childhood when the rapid melting of ice or the burning of a napkin captivates an entire imagination.

Children seem to react to change differently. Many times if a toddler is left alone for an extended amount of time by the primary caretaker, crying or screaming are commenced until the toddler is assured everything is “okay.” If a toy is taken away, they cry. If they have to be removed and placed in a car seat, they cry. If they have to be left in a classroom, they cry, scream and pout. If they are told they cannot drive the family car to the after party, the child argues, yells and uses a larger vocabulary and then cries. Maybe it is because they are hurt. Maybe it is because their social life has just been completely destroyed by not showing up to a party. Maybe it is because they are not in control of their world and frankly, that sucks.

Recently I have spent time with kids in the area I live. It has come to my attention that kids and the adults I have spent a great deal of time with (including myself) are no different. Externally the adult is typically larger, with a more developed brain and larger vocabulary to communicate what is inside. Wisdom usually is possessed by the adult human making it better fit to last longer in this thing we call “the world”. However, in this façade of “wisdom”, “knowledge” and “experience” it seems to me that the adult has more lies to hide behind as well. When the world reveals is ugly head and the “fit hits the shan”, the adult human is quickly reduced back to its infant, feeble state. The human starts as incapable beings and dies as incapable beings, but the adult never seems to remember this truth until the world slips through the tightly, fisted grasp.

We are not here for many years, but for a moment and the moment is now. And in this moment, it is not those who think they have an answer and this answer is external, but it is internal. Life is not established by the things we have, the things we do and the things we are to become, but granted by something greater. We are not alive because we do, but we are alive because we have life: nothing more and nothing less.

It is in this possession that I am beginning to understand what we truly have and what we do not have. If we are to live as Jesus lived, it is not to imitate His external actions, but His life. How did He do that? How was He completely different than the other great citizens of the human race? In my understanding, He was not afraid of pain and change, but wept, cried and mourned for massive changes in His life. He was alive because He felt pain and if there is anything to learn from Him, is it this point. Many other teachings and beliefs deal with the abstraction and removal of pain instead of dealing with this. That is why the young professional cannot risk a career change because it will induce pain. That is why the boy and girl cannot connect on a deeper level than the physical/emotional/psychological level because it will cause more pain. That is why sacrifices of belonging or knowledge cannot be done innocently and freely because it will produce change. To deal with pain is to acknowledge the limitations of humanity and that is an arduous fact.

It is my observation that we are continually ordering our lives with safeguards to protect our heart and in the process have forgotten who is in control. We have deceived our adult minds with knowledge, wisdom and experiences in thinking we are the ones who hold our lives in our hands when we do not produce it in the first place. We calculate, plan and order our schedules only to find them distorted by “accidents”, “un-expected events” and “emergencies” only to realize that this is reality in the first place. We are still playing house, but the stakes are higher: it is our life that is called and we are too terrified to live, so we creep back and simply maintain.

Where are you in this moment? What is life? Is it a soap opera of events calculated to avoid as much pain as possible? Have you created a world around you that is safe to the mind, easy to the flesh and weak in spirit? Have you forgotten the call of Jesus not to follow your own destiny, but Him in which His path led to a cross? If only I had the courage to follow in every moment, but by His grace, I have a choice in this moment to follow Him.

Quercus shumardii

2007-05-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

As previously mentioned, sanctification—my sanctification—is always on my mind. I constantly am pondering the insanity that the gospel teaches us that we are saved and we are free from sin. I say insanity because to the world and the mind, that is what it boils down to. In this process of evaluation, the affects of the disciplines and “duties” a Christian is to do have been questioned. Many time (including now) I find myself wondering if it truly is a relationship, or do I simply brainwash myself into thinking it is something that is it not. Have I been brainwashed from an early age so therefore it makes sense for me to follow? So many Christians I know have Christian parents, grandparents, etc. Is it generations of brainwashing or is this reality? There are many viable arguments such as the Bible and Christianity is a story to be passed on much like the other ancient religions and I believe that: but Christianity is different. It has to be different. It is more than a story of what God did two thousand years ago, but a story of who He is today.

In this search for explaining my sanctification and making sense thereof, I have come back to plants again. It is a familiar and recently pondered subject of mine. I dispise forcing subjects on observations that were never meant to occur, so I tread cautiously into this subject so that I may discover how this salvation I possess may have a great impact on me and those around me.

One of my favorite trees here in Texas is Quercus shumardii or the Shumard Red Oak. There are two varities of this found here in North Texas: single trunk and multi-trunk. On Northaven Road in Dallas is an incredible specimen of a multi-trunk Q. shumardii that I love to view each time I go to work. The canopy spans nearly sixty feet while reaching only thirty feet in height. The owner has taken good care of it pruning it regularly and it shows. All of its trunks are clean, not having suckers or too many branches allowing the branches that remain to be strong, solid and extremely healthy. Most people do not recognize it, but a horticulturalist is impressed by this tree.

There are many factors that affect the beauty of a plant. Genetically speaking, each plant is designed to have a native habitat. This can be changed through acclimation and monitoring, but naturally, each plant has its native habitat. Sunlight, moisture, drainage and heat requirements all vary with each plant. Each of these play into the beauty, existence and life of the plant. If it is not in the optimal place, the beauty and life will be altered in some way. If you plant Q. shumardii next to a high-rise in the downtown area, it will eventually be morphed or destroyed because of the structures around it. It will never be what it was created to do.

This is the point I have recently seen in dealing with the disciplines of the faith. When I hear the term “Disciplines of the faith”, I think of reading the Bible, praying, tithing, fellowship with believers, silence, communion, etc. All the things the Christian does as an expression of love to God for what He has done. Now the crux of the matter is what they have become in my own life. They seem to be the pulse or the thing in which determines life itself in the Christian. Yes, the Bible is explicit on the “Fruit of the Spirit” or how we as Christian should be viewed, but the Bible is also very clear how deceitful the heart is. I find in my own life, the disciplines have become life itself and if they are extinct, than my spiritual life is extinct. If I want to start up my spiritual life again, or get closer to God or become a greater Christian, I must implement these disciplines or increase the frequency of them.

Case in point. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that reading your Bible, or spending time with God prevents one from sinning far less that when the same person is not doing these things. Much like the old saying that idle hands lead to mischief, I hear that if the disciplines are not being done, then sanctification—our salvation being lived out—is not taking place. I have also heard many times of ways to avoid temptation. If you struggle with overeating, then diet. If you have problems with credit cards, cut them up. If you struggle with pornography, then do not use the internet past a certain time. Christianity has become about sin and the reduction thereof, than life itself. Christianity through this system will morph into external morality instead of a clean heart. Just because I can choose to live in a monestary and not have access to anything while living externally pure does not make me a pure person. The thing to remember in sanctification is that it is not progressive externally, but internally. Externally it may seem repetitious, but internally it is deeper. In this form of Christianity, we control the expression of our life so that we are not morally impure, when all we are doing is destroying the life we truly have. This new life is hard and will call for the expression of sin, but in that expression, grace is available by faith.

In saying this, there is something to be said of foolishness or the practice of repeating that which should not be. I would argue that foolishness is that which occurs when the person who is acting has no idea it is occurring again. For instance, if I get out of a large sum of debt, become financially stable, and begin to be in debt again, I am a fool for ignoring it. However, if I realize it is happening again and admit or acknowledge this, I can be free from this problem. It may be an issue I carry to my grave, but because I repeatedly have a problem with it doesn’t mean I am foolish or living in sin. It simply means I am finding new depths of my own brokenness and grace in the same moment.

Where does Quercus shumardii fit into sanctification? So what if it does not have the best soil, fertilizer, sunlight, zone, room and other requirements? Big deal if it doesn’t look like the greatest specimen known. Why does it matter what it looks like? Our culture—even in the landscape—is incredibly image driven so why should it be this case now? One could argue that it would be a healthier tree and live longer. So why should long life be the ultimate goal of this tree?

I would argue that it is not the image or life itself that is in question, but the purpose of the tree to begin with. Each day, every single day everyone of us must make a choice: who is in control. If I choose that I am in control life could be good or bad depending on how much I control. If I choose that I am not in control, life is different. I still will have good and bad days, but I have the ability to control that which I can control and loose that which I do not have control and not be controlled by it in the process. It is at this point that logic is limited and faith begins. I cringe many times at answers like these because they are so “simple”, juvenile sounding and perfunctory, but the denoument brings peace. Because the tree was designed to give glory to God, it does best in the situation that was designed by Him. It is He that gives life to the tree, not the nutrients, rain, sunlight and other requirements.

Thus is the case with sanctification. The disciplines of Bible reading, silence, prayer and other tasks do not give you life, but helps you express the life you have been given. Just like an arborist who prunes, fertilizes and cares for a tree that is planted in its native habitat, but then dies of old age, the Christian too must come to grips with their own limitations. I can “speak with the tongues of men and of angels” and “have the gift of prophecy” and “understand all mysteries and all knowledge”, but I will end. So in the end, do not be lost in how to become a Christian like I have done. It is easy, it is simple and warrants a great amount of attention and love from others, but will end. Instead, ponder why you are a Christian in the first place. This –much like your salvation—will never end.

Uncle

2007-05-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

You can call me, "Uncle Jason" now.

www.katiemayes.blogspot.com

May 5, 2007

2007-05-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

"If you took Picasso's cubism paintings, it is as if you were to take your view of the world in 360 degrees and compress it into a painting." Alex

May 3, 2007

2007-05-03T21:57:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of dreams and dreaming today:

"Do not dream where you would like to go, what you would like to do or who you would like to become. Dream where you are at, while doing what you currently do with what you currently possess."

May 2, 2007

2007-05-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

"I find myself many times allowing other people, things or the things I do to determine my self worth." Me (If only I could take my own advice)

May 1, 2007

2007-05-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

"You mean you've never snuck one past the goalie?" Jerry Seinfeld

April 30, 2007

2007-04-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

"In case you were all wondering, I am celebrating my first day home by watching Passions." Katie Mayes

Paradoxical Wills in the Garden

2007-03-20T05:30:00.000-07:00

A garden is a sign of humanity’s impact. One never stumbles upon a garden without the thought: “who did this?” A garden is a choice of a human to place something in a space orchestrated with other living organisms. It is a forest, prairie or jungle that constitutes wild, mass groupings of plantings, but not a garden.

In a garden, there is an expression of continuity, repetition and movement like any great artwork. The lines of the bed are created with intentionality to end one thing and begin another. Each material, dead or alive, is chosen for a purpose and to take on a purpose for the life of a garden. Space must be defined appropriately to communicate tranquility and life while being self-sustaining.

While selecting the living pieces, the creator must know of the strengths and weaknesses of each plant. Cornus kousa will not perform in a zone 7 or higher, so Cornus florida must be chose. In order to transplant the majesty of Quercus virginana, one must dig it in the winter months, or be patient in the summer. Lagerstroemia indica ‘Snow Dazzle’ is prone to aphid problems so ants must be encouraged to live in the garden to feed on the aphids. If Equisetum is used, barriers must be in place to control its invasive nature. There must be order in order for the garden to function as one masterpiece designed by the creator.

This order is thwarted most in part by weeds. Weeds are simply defined as a plant misplaced, in which constant care will deter this. It is an ongoing vocation of problem solving to rid the garden of disorder, but determination, knowledge and wisdom will triumph. Care also is defined as pruning and training of the plant in the garden. Limbs break and die. Certain branching patterns are harmful to the plant. Fruit must be picked before rotting. All of this the gardener must know and be proactive in dealing with to deter the garden from greater problems.

The gardener is conductor of the living expression. Training the plants to his will, the gardener creates a visual expression of his life. Weeds are controlled or rid completely by the garden with the use of his knowledge. Plants are glorified because they have been selected and placed in a location where they will thrive. The garden slowly shows its master’s brilliance for years and centuries to come. It is an amalgam of poetry, art, power, knowledge, science and vision. A great garden is the expression of its great creator.

However, a paradox does not exist in the visual nature of the garden, but what allows the visual nature to exist. The gardener is in control of a vast amount, except life itself. He cannot give life to the garden, but only create with the life he has been given.

What

2007-03-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

Joe was a friend of mine at Purdue University. A fascinating man with an incredible journey, Joe was studying to become a pharmacist in an exceptional, top tier ranking program. Being so, the program was rigorous and trying on most people who attempt this degree. If one accomplished the degree, a very rewarding vocation would be waiting. It was appealing to many people and many people did not make it. Joe on the other hand did make it. In fact, he excelled at it. He didn’t graduate Magna Cum Laude or receive special accolades, but he finished well. What I remember about Joe was not the grades in which he received, but how his profession reflected who he was.

Joe grew up as a body builder in high school. His pathetic, timid looking frame at Purdue made it hard to believe until he would show the stretch marks on his biceps indicating how large his arms had been. He began lifting early in high school and it did not stop there. He began using steroids to enhance his shape and exploded onto the bodybuilding scene. His love for drugs was transformed from a selfish ambition, to a desire to help others. Joe was always talking pharmacy. It was his life and he loved it completely. Whether you were sick or you were using a certain chemical compound in your shaving cream, Joe would be gravitating to pharmaceutical science wherever life had him. He truly was a pharmacist.

This story comes to mind because of recent ponderings. When I was younger, I believed that anyone could become anything if they set their mind to it. I still believe this to a point, but now with a twist: that person may “die” in the process. In other words, one can become whomever they choose to believe, but will lose themselves in the process. Many people tried to become pharmacist and spent countless nights studying and stressing only to find themselves failing miserably. They could have graduated eventually, but they were not true pharmacist like Joe.

Such is the case with life itself. In the movie V for Vendetta, one of the opening lines is a response to a question posed to the mask man. “Who are you”, inquires a young lady in which V replies in a statement like this: “The question ‘Who are you?’ must first be proceeded with the answer to the question, ‘What are you?’” All this to say, one must first ponder the “what” before the “who” in order to understand why the person is “being.” The source and purpose of being comes from that which makes up the object, not necessarily the identity of the object. Much is the case of art and design. Form follows function and that which loses its form cannot function in the way it was designed to function.

It seems to me that the modern man has this all backwards. On a plane ride to Mobile, AL several weeks ago, I crossed paths with a young lady who had just started college. She comes from an affluent family with plenty of opportunity and wealth. She was deliberating over what to do with her life because her family had put pressure on her. The sad part is, this is not a unique case. Many of us are forced or force ourselves into a vocation of some sorts by analyzing facts. We go about the ordination of our life calling by examining our current passions, loves and desires only never to examine what we are. The modern man builds himself into a machine of sorts forgetting that man was made for a much greater calling than simply a task. The modern man forgets that every form of external expression is a glorified representation of an inward condition. Philosophers and theologians seldom ponder the “what” stating it is for science to determine, but forget how crucial it is in determining the “why”.

After this vocation is determined, the person goes to school to gain knowledge in this field to become proficient, efficient and methodical. Ironically, every other living organism has in itself many complex processes that define proficiency, efficiency and methods, but somehow humanity has forgotten. It seems that humans in their desire to become great, have forgotten what they are. In the journey of life, the expression thereof seems to be changing as much as the life itself. If one ponders any life form, this observation can be noted. Grant it, certain conditions do apply to specific environments, but life seems to have a resilient way about it to conserve, protect and multiply regardless of adverse conditions.

This is where I think Christianity is the only true religion. Jesus did not begin his purpose by analyzing his passion, actions and desires and then proceeded to act accordingly. He knew what He was and what He was about. It was because of this that His identity was defined because He was the only “what” that had ever been. In Christ, we have this same truth to discover. It is not hidden in the corners of the ontological debate in philosophy or in the complex curves of economics, but before our very eyes. God has given us everything we need to view this truth and ponder it. I have witnessed retarded people and brilliant people, civilized people and uncivilized people alike acknowledge this truth. What astounds me is the simple ingredient to this truth. Time is that ingredient, but the modern man has reduced it to a commodity instead of a gift. Therefore, time is used up as one uses cash, only to forget that it is the very thing that feeds the purpose of life. It is in time that one ponders this truth, discovers it under the layers of busyness and schedules only to be filled with life again.

So where are you? What are you? What have you become? Joe could have become a great pharmacist without Jesus because people do that every day. Jesus does not make you better; He tells you who made you in the first place. And in that truth, you can become whatever you become without corrupting the body God made for you to inhabit. Do not destroy yourself by creating another person, but ponder what you are and your identity will be given to you by the One who created you in the first place.

Pursuing God

2006-12-14T04:48:00.000-08:00

In this complex day-in-age, it is difficult to ponder where we have come from. As one analyzes a journey, one must ask three questions: Where have you come form, where are you and where are you going? The past determines the actions and decisions one will make in the present that will affect the future. The American past is the same way. The very principles the country was founded on still impact everyday life in more ways than realized. These core beliefs are the mold in which many beliefs are formed and shaped.

The focal point of the American past is this phrase: “the freedom of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” In an ancient (ancient in American terms) document, this phrase echoes loudly in today’s economics, law and philosophy.

The “right to life”, has been changed to: “the right to live and pursue true life.” Life today is not simply breathing, but more than that. It is the “right to party” as the Beastie Boys put. It is the right to live wherever and whenever one wants to. It is the right to allow certain people to live and others to die. This pursuit of the “right of life” has consumed the modern day American. Security systems, tougher laws and background checks help protect this life. Drugs, exercise and surgery help prolong this life so we can do more, faster and bigger. The pursuit—today—is about the expression of the life.

Liberty also is a term rarely used outside of historical settings. However, it is a core belief that Americans hold to each day. Liberty is a synonym of freedom only that it takes place in society. Americans hold to their freedom of speech, right to bare arms and religion. America was founded on the hatred of oppression by the government and so Americans pursue this characteristic. The pursuit of liberty is not an easy task. Many lines have been crossed because of certain laws and restrictions to guard the public, but American liberty sing rings true today. Yet, this is not enough. Americans still are pursuing a greater freedom and questioning every restrictive policy. Capitalism has flourished (although not as great as a society such as Hong Kong) because the greater amounts of freedom achieved each day. So, the pursuit of liberty can be summed up as this: to pursue life without restrictions.

Happiness is the last of the nouns, but not the least. Closely linked with right to life, happiness is the modern American’s ultimate goal. Happiness is defined as whatever the person wants to do. To have this freedom in a country is amazing and capitalism can allow for this, but as all systems, it has its weaknesses. Americans pursue happiness because they can—because they chose to. An American dream consists of a house, a dog, a white, picket fence and 2.5 beautiful kids. Cars, clothes, televisions, computers and 401ks are not considered luxuries, but necessities. Pain killers as well as other pain alleviators sell well because pain is the antithesis of happiness. Pursuing happiness typically means following what makes you happy and avoiding what does not.

I write this because in my theology, somehow, somewhere, these have infiltrated my mind. I think our view of economics and sexuality has a greater affect on our theology that anything else. I would like to add to the list of sociality. Many times I find myself being “Christian” when nothing could be further from the truth. Like a butterfly in a tangled web, I think I am free of society’s web. I am then snagged again only to see my striving to wear me out. I have been pondering what it is to pursue God and the aforementioned nouns of “life, liberty and happiness” have had a profound impact on me as well as my peers.

For instance, with life, the American pursues life in a unique way. Not unique from other humans, but from other life forms. The human will try to become something it is not. It will build wings, created an outer coat or even produce lungs to go underwater. Life, to the American human, is not gauged simply by a pulse, but by activities—by doing. I think this statement is best expressed in the movie Dumb and Dumber. “We have no jobs…we have no food…OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!!” As comical as it is, it is also very revealing. To hit rock bottom, to be a loser is to “not live”. Americans pity the poor and homeless not because of what they have, but what they do not have. Americans are appalled that other humans can get by with so little.

Now here comes the dangerous part. In theology it is the same way. The pursuit of God is measured by the doing of the American. The obvious is church attendance and other forms of public expression, but even in the personal realm. Many times I myself or others around me have guilt for not doing things the “Christian” way. I can easily make one feel guilty if they have not done a certain discipline because—and here’s the kicker—it is an expression of life. The American Christian’s spiritual life is not determined by the God whom he or she serves, but by the life being expressed from them. I believe this is why it is so difficult for American Christians to be expressive. If it isn’t life or “Christian”, then it will convey the wrong message. To pursue is to be holy and expression has been disposed. Sin has lost all meaning at this point because the judge has become the crowd or our Christian peers—not God Himself.

The same can be said of liberty. The pursuit of freedom in Christianity is done in the same manner as the American. The Christian must first recognize these “strongholds”—these places of bondage. Then, in the name of Jesus, they are to conquer them. The reason being is that Christ came to set the captives free. All this being true, the Christian pursues freedom by destroying the works of the evil one in the exact same way as the American does in socially. There are more rules placed to resists the powers of bondage, the things that bound are all question and the mission is freedom. The only difference is the Christian does in the name of Jesus. The American does it in the name of freedom, but both pursue “a life without restrictions” only to miss the entire point of freedom: it is restrictive by nature.

Happiness seems to be the worse of the three. The Christian pursues the pleasures of the kingdom here on this earth, whether they believe the “health and wealth” doctrines. The Christian has “contracts with God” stating that if God will do such-and-such thing, then they will follow. Pain is hated because it is evil and hardly ever endured. The Christian approaches pain the same way as an American—is it the chief enemy of life. Thus, because life is number one on the list, energy is poured into this great battle and victories seemed to be won. The Christian will compromise or morph into other theologies to make it work and be less painful. The Christian will pursue happiness (which is labeled as “knowledge of God” or “the disciplined life”) fervently, which gains the accolades of believers. The pursuit of happiness is disguised by Spiritual gobbledygook or even immense amount of knowledge of the Holy Scriptures.

It is here in lies the crux of the matter in my opinion. The American Christian has taken its heritage (and a blessed one at that) and applied its social principles to Christianity. The American Christian helps define the pursuit of God by using the same pursuing definitions it uses socially, but has forgotten one, very large characteristics of each noun (life, liberty, happiness): each of these have an end.

Where I Am At

2006-12-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

It has been difficult to put into words where I have been internally the past few weeks, but C.S. Lewis has said it very nicely in a book I finished this week...The Problem of Pain.

"…At first I am overwhelmed, and all my little happinessess look like broken toys. Then, slowly and reluctantly, bit by bit, I try to bring myself into the frame of mind that I should be in at all times. I remind myself that all these toys were never intended to posses my heart, that my true good is in another world and my only real treasure is Christ. And perhaps, by God’s grace, I succeed and for a day or two become a creature consciously dependent on God and drawing its strength from the right sources. But the moment the threat is withdrawn, my whole nature leaps back to the toys: I am even anxious, God forgive me, to banish from my mind the only thing that supported me under the threat because it is now associated with the misery of those few days. Thus the terrible necessity of tribulation is only too clear. God has had me for but forty-eight hours and then only by dint of taking everything else away from me. Let Him but sheathe that sword for a moment and I behave like a puppy when the hated bath is over—I shake myself as dry as I can and race of to reacquire my comfortable dirtiness, if not in the nearest manure heap, at least in the nearest flower bed. And that is why tribulations cannot cease until God either sees us remade or sees that our remaking is now hopeless.”

In Christ Alone

2006-10-13T06:55:00.000-07:00

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, mystrength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of ChristI'll stand

Space XII

2006-09-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

In today’s culture there is a thought that in order to know something or someone, one must experience this something or become this someone. “If you never try than you’ll never know” is more popular that we can think. We exalt knowledge extensively that now it has become impossible to obtain without experience. One must allow this knowledge to control them in this very same experience in order to gain this knowledge. The same is found in leadership. It is a good lesson to learn in leadership in that to become a great leader, one must “stoop” down to the ranks of his followers in order to gain their trust. Admirable, caring and sincere this will communicate, but something else is reinforced in this action. “You have to experience it to know it.” One cannot possibly know something just by observing and listening to what other says. Like a diver who plummets to the depths of the dive tank, humanity must plunge into the unknown so they can know. When this occurs, then and only then will you “know”. When one allows their life to be defined and confined by knowledge is when we will fully know.

However, this cultural absolute is found to be tested in other areas of life. Take the cartoon masterpiece Pinocchio for example. As you may recall, this is the tale of a toy which was created by his master for his master’s pleasure. In short, he was created as an expression of his creator. Then, something happens. The toy is given a life and free will and begins to experience life as he pleases. Good and bad choices are expressed in this boy’s life and his consequences are soon discovered. Pinocchio tries “it” and soon “knows” it. But the focus of my point is not on the boy, but on the master. The reader never knows if the master has experienced all of the different paths in life, but the reader knows the master tells which way the boy should go. Much like the modern day parent who is confronted with the rebellious teen in which the adolescent voices: “You’ll never understand me. You have no idea what it is like.” The master in this story or the modern day parent will never know what it is like exactly to be that boy or person. However, the teen, and the society surrounding us, is lost in the tiny details that make up the being of a person. Society says that we cannot know unless we experience it when they have lost the entire meaning of knowledge in the first place.

Because of this philosophy, our space and that which determines our surroundings as Christians is terribly destructive. When we become “saved”, we begin to change the focus of what we know and experience instead of the philosophy altogether. Our quest does not involve evil things such as sex, drugs, alcohol and lying, but we pursue Bible verses, doctrine, discipline and other practices of the faith. These pursuits help change our minds and focus on the things not of this world. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth. These things of the faith are inherently good if the basis in which they are created is good. Like the master to the boy, if the reason for the expression of the gift is to know, then it will have an end. It will be limited. But, if the pursuit of the expression is something else, it could possibly have life. It could become a boy.

We as Christians begin a journey as if we are the creator in our own hearts, but we are not. We are only creators in our own world. The world in which we have been given is ours to govern and that is it. And this is the hardest part in understanding true spirituality. We mix our worlds and apply the same laws into the “New Life” that we have been given. We simply change our minds and actions (our material or external) ourselves based on the laws we have learned only to find ourselves continually defeated in this New World we find ourselves living in. We cannot make sense of this New World by our senses so we distract ourselves with our senses continually with the things of this world and ignore it. The life of the "toy" is all we have "known" and we miss those days only to waste the time of being completely alive. The battle soon begins to turn not from doing good things or bad things, but simply believing. The Christian battles disbelief and doubt more than sin itself because it is his quest for knowledge and discipline that has limited his spirituality, not necessarily sin.

Galatians 5:16

2006-09-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.”

Who

1. Who is writing this? The apostle Paul, who was known as a sinner, who was saved by grace. Not only was he a sinner, but described himself as a “great” sinner.

2. Who is the Spirit? The Spirit is the essence of God Himself indwelling in the believer’s body. The Spirit was in existence before Jesus Christ, but only dwelled upon those who had faith in Yahweh, not in. Because of Jesus Christ who contained the very same Spirit of God, we are now able to have this Spirit indwelling continually within us. This is a different spirit than the spirit in the world. It is greater than the spirit in the world and because we are a spirit it can move us. Because we are spiritual, we can allow which spirit to control us and it is the immaterial (spirit) that controls the material (body).

3. Who is “you”? The believers in Galatia. They somehow forgot who they were in Christ. When you forget who you are, you will always begin “doing” things for the wrong reason. This is displayed in spiritual matters as well as physical.

4. Who is the “flesh”? It is the physical life that will always try to dominate the Spiritual life until the spiritual part of us leaves. The flesh is that which is material and left to itself will destroy itself discreetly or indiscreetly. The flesh is very beautiful, very comfortable and very tangible. It begins with the senses and ends in sensuality.

What

1. What happens if I walk by the Spirit? The desire of the flesh will not live.

2. What is “the desire of the flesh”? Notice, it is not “desires”, but “desire”. I think it is singular because there is one main desire of the flesh and that is to live. Once it lives, then it will manifest itself many different ways. It doesn’t care how it destroys your body, only that it destroys your body.

3. What happens if I walk by the flesh? The desire of the flesh will live. Not only will it live, but other desires of the flesh will become my desires. Then, if I allow the desires to continue in my life, they will change from desires to needs. An addiction will form or a stronghold will form in my life in which I must, I need to feed unless Something greater intercedes.

When

1. When do I walk by the Spirit? If the Spirit is indwelling at all times in my life, then it would make sense that I would always be walking by the Spirit. This is true and false at the same time. The Spirit is continually indwelling in us even-though we choose to sin. It is at the point of sin that we choose to ignore this truth and become something we were not created to be. However, through repentance the Spirit is once again allowed to control the body so it could be said we are always walking by the Spirit, but we do not allow it to be expressed. It is much like oxygen. I can use it continually without noticing it, but when I go to places where it is not in existence (underwater), I realize the importance of it. I realize my need for it and it awakens me to my dependence on it. When I forget is when it is detrimental to my existence.

Where

1. Where is this person going when they are walking? They are coming from someone and going somewhere. We all have a past that determines our present state which affects our future decisions. We all are coming from somewhere and going somewhere and our present state determines that. It is our decisions NOW, not in the future that greatly affect us, yet we continue to live in the past or future. We seldom want to “be” where we are at and are seldom satisfied with the “now”.

Why

1. Why is it “walking” and not “running” or “sitting”? The focus of the passage is not the speed, but the direction. One is moving when one is walking and walking always implies intention that is cautious, but confident. The believer’s journey is not based on speed, but on the direction it is heading. “Walk” is present tense that has a future implication (to defeat the desire of the flesh).

Life

2006-08-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

My view of life and what is it supposed to be always surprises me. Many times I find myself saying, "If only I could be at this point in my life, then I could really begin to live." I long for distance places when life is happening at the very place I am at. I box in my definition of life with certain adjectives such as "fun, exciting, powerful and glorious" and yet those "fun, exciting, powerful and glorious" moments are far and few between. Life is not an emotion or feeling, but a symphony of the material and immaterial. I am truly alive not when I am feeling certain things, but when my material and immaterial parts are connected...which happens when I can accept where I am at, not where I want to be...

Change

2006-08-04T21:54:00.000-07:00

I think change is so hard because it is never expected. I fight it when it rears its ugly head in my life and beat it with an intellectual stick. “I can control this,” I tell myself and began to will my life in the way that I have planned it to go. Yet, I never accept this theme of change in my life: it is the death of something and the life of another. I don’t like death. It is so final in my ephemeral mind, but it awakens me to something that is always there. My life is final and until I can accept this, then I will always fight change. We do not begin change, but Something else. We cannot change ourselves or our journey, we can only allow ourselves to be open to it and allow the change to occur.

The Adventure

2006-08-03T21:55:00.000-07:00

I wanna have the same last dream again,
the one where I wake up and I'm alive.
Just as the four walls close me within,
my eyes are opened up with pure sunlight.
I'm the first to know,
my dearest friends,
even if your hope has burned with time,
anything that's dead shall be re-grown,
and your vicious pain, your warning sign,
you will be fine.

Hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.

Any type of love - it will be shown,
like every single tree reach for the sky.
If you're gonna fall,
I'll let you know,
that I will pick you up like you for I,
I felt this thing,
I can't replace.
Where everyone was working for this goal.
Where all the children left without a trace,
only to come back, as pure as gold,
To recite this all.

Hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.
Tonight,
hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.
Tonight,
hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.

I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me

Hey, oh, here I am (do this with me),
and here we go, life's waiting to begin (do this with me).
Hey, oh, here I am (do this with me).
And here we go, life's waiting to begin
Life's waiting to begin...

Angels and Airwaves

A Proverb

2006-08-01T21:29:00.000-07:00

Trust in the Lord with all your heart...(The two words that are important here are “trust” and “heart.” The hardest thing for my heart to do is trust. I like to trust with my knowledge or “mind”, or trust in my ability and body, but my heart is the hardest to trust with. Why? I think it is because it is the most deceiving thing I have. It is the thing I can hide from everyone else. Yet, in this passage, Yahweh is asking His servant to completely expose the heart and trust Him with everything—even the hidden corners.)…and lean not on your own understanding…(To lean is to be supported by that which is leaned on—in this case, one’s mind. Therefore, knowledge is limited as well as wisdom. They both are extremely important in humanity and our relationship with God, but they are limited. Solomon sought wisdom and got it, but lost his relationship with God in the process. If knowledge is the goal, then heaven will be a disappointing place.)…in all your ways acknowledge Him…(Can this really happen? It seems a little overboard if I am to acknowledge Him in everything I do. What is He really requiring? The duty of the Christian is not to display God Himself, but the handiwork of God. God is seen in me, I do not become god. This is very important. It is not my duty to be God, but to let Him out. This is in sinning as well. I am not acknowledging He is a sinful, wicked God, but in my sin and then repentance, I am expressing that He is a merciful, gracious God. When I ponder my ways and why I am doing what I am doing, I automatically acknowledge Him because He is not dead, He is alive.)…and He will make your ways straight…(This is the most accurate translation of this part of the text. When roads are designed, if the designer wants people to feel comfortable and confident, straight roads are built. However, this day-in-age, people tend to drive very fast on straight, open roads. Why…Because they can see everything coming. Modern designers now will build curves into the roads even if it costs more money so people will not go so fast as to kill others. A straight road is easy to see in physical world, but the older I get, the more I realize that is not the case in life. My road has had so many turns that I have no idea where it is going…and this is where this verse comforts me. I will not make my paths straight, but He will. I must choose to be on the path.

Getting

2006-07-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that the greatest cause for disbelief in Christianity is the business of "getting." Most people enter Christianity to get something out of it, but they fail to realize that it is nothing like economics. You do not invest in it. You do not need once you have Christ or Christianity. You simply let it out.

Space XI

2006-07-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

As Mr. Pascal has said in the quote in the beginning, all humans must know our limitations. Space is occupied by all things, living or not. The non-living occupies material space whereas the livings things have the ability to occupy material as well as immaterial space. It is only the human that can occupy material and immaterial space at the same time. This is accomplished in the action of a choice. However, these choices are determined or judged by something greater in which we will name “true morals.” “True morals” are morals that hold to every race, religion and nationality. A choice is judged as a bad choice by “true morals”, but cannot be judged if it is good. Only the society that surrounds the choice can determine whether the choice is good. “True morals” will commence whether the society surrounding the choice acknowledge them or not. So, in limitations and occupying space, the actual space one occupies can also tell what type of space it actually is. Morals exist not because people exist, but because choices exist. Choices exist not because people exist, but because the immaterial exist (A chemical cannot choose to become something different. It must interact with something else by spontaneous combustion or in the control of a living organism or process in nature.). If the immaterial is absent, then choices and morals are absent. We have choices and morals because we exist materially and immaterially at the same time.

Space X

2006-07-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

These are considered bad decisions not because there is a universal governing body that determined it so. These are considered bad because of the commonality between them. In each “bad” decision, the individual making the decision is choosing to forget who they are and become someone they are not. It is not a destruction of the person that mortifies us, but it we who are mortified. Those who must life through the action are destroyed a little each time we view, read or hear about the action because it awakens us to a madness we must explain. Out of these three choices rise the guidelines for most criminal laws.

Good decisions seem to be the reverse of the bad decisions. Actions to better the life of mankind are seen to be better. Regardless of the consequence of the action (i.e. cloning), the action itself, even-though turned bad, could still be viewed as good if it helps other. In pondering this topic, there must be a base in which to measure from in order to determine if you are helping other people. For instance, if I go and help a child who as fallen and bloodied her knee, an initial thought is that I stopped the bleeding. So, one could say that stopping blood flow is helping the girl. In this statement alone there are countless complexities dealing with medical terms as well as political and war terms that I know little about. I am not trying to define humanity’s view of a good decision, but simply state my observations of what I think it is. It could be wrong, it could be right, but it is mine for now.

…Back to the base for “good.” In modern day terms, helping someone usually deals with money. Because our entire economy is founded on currency and most economical system are, money is a strong tie to helping others. One may give money to the poor and that is seen as admirable in many different societies. In this transaction, it is the greater giving to the lesser while still keeping the lesser—in fact lesser. One never hears of the action of a billionaire giving all his money to a poor person thus transferring the power from greater to lesser. I have never heard or read of any such story in modern times and would be interested in reading one if it truly exists. The human helps those in need only up to a certain point, but seldom past that point. I would like to state that this point is called “sacrifice.” It is at the point of sacrifice that the individual must give up more than he has to offer to make the lesser person greater than himself. I have witnessed this in many teacher’s, parent’s and professor’s lives. A genuine teacher is not concerned about being greater than the students, but that the students become greater than the teacher. In today’s competitive world, this is rarely seen, and to me is a breath of fresh air when I do see it.

Teaching is on an educational level, but one can help someone on a physical level as well. In regards to the illustration about the girl with the bloodied knee, it is the person who is well who can help the girl. If I have the same injury, I could still help the girl because I know it is a small injury and my white blood cells will perform their duties. Now, let’s increase the injury. Let’s say both of us have lost our right arms. It would be very difficult for me to help her if my own arm is missing. I will have a great chance of dying and may even have passed out by now. In all societies, those who help others must be at a better advantage than the people they are helping. It is the people who are physically capable of functioning that must help the lame. The lame cannot help the lame and as the Bible states the blind cannot lead the blind. This would negate the true meaning of “help” because it is not solving the problem at hand. A lame person helping a lame person only makes the problem—the problem is the lame person wants to do something he cannot do on his own strength—worse.

A good decision must first be calibrated by the surround society to determine what is normal. If we lived in an insane asylum, it would be different, but the principle still applies. Those who are less insane and can function better as civilized humans can help the others, but they are all still insane. There is no single choice one can do that is considered good until the individual determines what is normal in the society it lives in. I could give millions of dollars to an insane person, but that person will not be helped. In fact, it could harm the individual. In choice making, the bad choices seem to be concrete, but the good choices seem to be abstract.

Space IX

2006-07-26T19:43:00.000-07:00

Most choices are determined by the society one lives in. However, there are some choices that supercede societies. Regardless of your race, sex or nationality, certain choices will always be determined as “good” or “bad.” Let us label the “good” ones as morality and the “bad” ones as crime. Murder, stealing and dishonesty seem to be found in every culture as “bad.” Murder is defined as the killing of a person without the consent of the person or the society in which that person lives. Human sacrifice has been and continues to be a practice of some cultures, but is not labeled “murder” by them. Yet, in the exact same culture, murder does take place and is punishable by death. In more humane, if you will, cultures, any killing without the persons consent is deemed murdered unless by accident. This can surpass all societies because life surpasses all societies. Life is considered valuable—to some extent—in every culture. Each culture determines its value by rules surround the premature death of a person. The Aztec Indians placed a high value on life which is why they would sacrifice humans to their god(s). Certain African tribes were cannibalistic in that they believed they would become gods, or like gods, if they ate another person and the spirit of the eaten would indwell in their body. My goal is not to prove which civilization was more humane or not, but to prove how every civilization placed a value on life within its own society. Whether a society killed because life was or is valuable, or protects because life was or is valuable seems to reveal something: murder is wrong because life is valuable.

Another “bad” decision that seems to be evident in many societies is thievery. Whether it is a car, a hut or a woman, stealing is seldom viewed as good. Stories of explorers in remote parts of South America or Africa relay that even apart from materialism, ownership is important. Humans seem to grow attached to their belongings and the absence of them reveals this. Some of the greatest wars in the world were (and still are) fought over something taken. The patriotism of a country can be stolen by the invasion of a nation. The invading nation can still face opposition hundreds of years later because the atrocity has not been forgotten. In our local world, good employees are quickly fired when thievery is discovered. The situation only grows worse as it continues in relationships. A man who steals another man’s lady had better kill the man because there is no doubt the man whom the lady was taken from will kill him. Regardless of race, income level or nationality, each individual can possess something. Life itself is one of those things and is the reason why life is so valuable. But, the person who steals whatever is not his must remember the reaction of the action. Why is stealing universally bad? Because it destroys something within the human and makes him something he was never meant to be. The thief is whom I am talking about. The thief becomes something that all humans know is not true: greater than the person he is stealing from. Even a king stealing from a pauper is an atrocity because both are seen equally in humanity, but it is the king (or shall we say, “thief”) who has forgotten who he is. The thief is the insane person and this insanity will come out in the retaliation of the person whom he stole from. The thief has only deceived himself that he will become greater with the thing he steals only to forget that he has completely destroyed himself in the action. He is no longer a human, but an animal.

Now we come to our last of the bad decisions—dishonesty. There are many other atrocities such as rape, mutiny, torture, anger and the like that seem more horrible than lying. In a modern culture, it is easy to dismiss lying because it is so prevalent. If one makes a mistake at work and this mistake is revealed, a lie is usually pursued. If one is trying to gain the love of a romantic interest—or simply a friend—lying helps us portray a “better” image. The lie itself is not the problem, but the thing in which the lie was meant to hide. The human does not lie because it can accept who it is. The human lies because it cannot accept himself. The past as well as the future is riddle with great stories of lies people have told that created greater problems. Our mother’s words have become numb to our incessant desire to become something we are not. The reason why dishonesty surpasses many culture and societies is the root of the action. A human is becoming something that it was never meant to be.

Space VIII

2006-07-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

There seems to be two types of choices in today’s world: good and bad. Defining a “good” choice from a “bad” choice is usually carried out by the social surroundings of the individual. Whether it is an educational, economical, philosophical, intellectual or theological choice, regardless of the realm in which it was made, the society is the deciding factor. For instance, one who grew up watching football may spend a good amount to travel to a game. For his family and friends, this may seems logical and acceptable. However, to a fan of the visual arts, saying sculptures, this may seen idiotic. Yet, this same gentleman would spend a fortune on a piece of art to display in his office which is mind-boggling to the football fan. Both situations require choices in which the choice maker believed they were making a good choice. In each individual situation, a bad choice would be the opposite of what the choice maker prefers to do. For instance, a football fan would view the purchasing of a sculpture as a bad choice and vice versa. However, an interesting thing will occur if the football fan begins to appreciate the arts. His society around him will change. They will either deem the purchase of artwork “insane” or “preposterous.” Or, they will change as well. A good choice can become bad and vice versa if the choice maker finds a society (whether it is real or not) to accept him.
What happens when someone makes a choice without caring what people think about it? This does occur when a person will stand for something even if it means standing alone. William Wilberforce is an excellent example of this in modern times. Mr. Wilberforce defended the freedom of slavery vehemently until his death. He sought for the freedom when very few others in England saw that it was right. He struggled with rejection and defeat repeatedly, but never gave up. Another British counterpart, T.E. Lawrence echoed this passion. Mr. Lawrence had a dream to set Africa free from the Turkish ruling. The only way one could surprise the great forces was to cross the great desert (the Sahara) and come from behind the city where there was little protection. Many people thought he was crazy. Even Africans doubted him, but he pressed on toward this choice. Both men thought something was good and decided to choose to make everything in their life about that choice. It was not a matter of image or acceptance, but of being. It became something different.

Each men as well as countless other men and women who explored new horizons materially as well as immaterially did have something in common. They had support. They had a society—which was minuscule at times—that believed they were good. There was a hope that allowed them to dream through the unsuccessful stages. This allowed them to continued to make the choice—the good choice—and follow it. These counterparts or friends also challenged them when they were off the path that they were following. When they were making choices counter to the good choice (a bad choice), these friends checked them. One cannot read an autobiography of a great athlete, artist, explorer or leader without discovering a friend, family member or mentor that was supporting them. In choice making, those who are closest will determine the analysis of your choice. If one wonders if their choices are good or bad, then that person should ponder the society they are in.

Space VII

2006-07-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

As a teen, one always wants to be older in order to have more responsibilities so one could do more things. One wants to “spread their wings and fly” as the songs or quotes say. One wanted to experience true freedom, but is ignorant of the cost of freedom. The meaning of freedom seems to be lost these days. In a life of freedom, a free market system with thousands of choices each day to make, the consumer is caught up in the result of the choice than why they are making a choice to begin with. The action and art of choosing is lost in the chatter of materialism and profit. The true essence is one is continually establishing limitations while making more choices, but this truth is lost in the deceit of sales tactics and image.

This seems to be true in the current generation. In observing and listening to peers and other members of the generations, there seems to be a common thread in the frustrations of a job that is meaningless, love that is non-existent and a life that is purposeless. Many people will blame it on epistemology and say, “I don’t know what I want to do, who I want to marry or why I am here?” These questions are impotent because I think they are addressing the wrong problem. The problem is not the lack of knowing what to do, but the ability to make a choice. These same people cannot decide or make choices because they want to be free, they want to have no absolutes and live with no restrictions. This is post-post-modernism at its greatest moment.

Post modernism has been a huge asset to this world we live in. More creativity in the sciences and arts as well as philosophy and theology has developed during these times than any other time in history. The speed at which it has increased has been incredible and surpasses the greatest of the Renaissance and Reformation. Yet, this accumulation of knowledge and facts have been damning. In his book The Nature of Design, David Orr addresses this very issue stating that knowledge, as we know it today, has not been truly tested and is premature. Take for instance the development of atomic energy. The conclusion and use of the knowledge was rapid, but the effects and solution of waste management were not. In our world of speed, accumulation of knowledge and experience, the ability to choose and understand our limitations are quickly lost. Through ecology and understanding the affect we have on nature through global warming (or lack thereof, depending on your stance), humanity has begun the shift back to understanding our limitations, but we have miles to go.

As a citizen of a generation slowly understanding its limitations, the limitations of choice making is continually avoided. Many people will not commit to one job, profession or faith. There are countless reasons these could or could not exist, but to understand why this phobia exists must be observed in the definition of a choice.

Space VI

2006-07-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

In defining space, I have brought about another term that needs further explanation—choice. To summarize, I have stated that space is defined in the ability for a human to make a choice…but what is a choice?

G. K. Chesterton has written about this topic in his book Orthodoxy. In summary, he states that the human ability to make a choice is not in a sense an act of freedom, but limitations. Making choices is freeing, but confining. One can oppose this in an argument based on the fact that to have a choice is to be free in the first place and I would concur. However, when we go back to the definition of space as we have defined so far, there are limitations wherever we are at regardless of our race, culture or class. We, as humans, are limited because we can make a choice.

In this day in age, I have observed the seriousness and weight of the ability to make a choice. As a young child, “ignorance is bliss” can be proven and children are innocent to the choices around. One reason is they have not been given the ability to make a choice by their parents and the society they live in. Take the consumption of alcohol as an example. In this area, a teen (if he or she is an obedient teen) does not have to even worry about the decision to drink or not to drink until they are twenty-one years of age. This choice is completely eliminated by the society we live thus “freeing” the young person from the limitations a choice would impose, all the while being limited by a choice that the society has imposed on the young person. Driving is another example. In this country you cannot drive legally unless you are sixteen years of age. Once again, a choice has been eliminated from the obedient, teen-age’s world because of the limitations placed on them by society. In both situations, the teen does not have a say in a choice because they are restricted from society to make that choice. In both situations, the teen cannot discover their limitations to a greater extent, because they have not been given the responsibility to posses the right to have a choice.

Now, let us fast forward several years when this teen has legal rights to drive and consume alcohol. The exploration of limitations is quickly experimented when the person soon turns the legal age of alcohol consumption or driving. This “insanity”, shall we say, is very observant when the teen races to every event, shows off to other peers or drives in an abnormal way, not adhering to traffic laws or other laws in affect. The same is in the consumption of alcohol. Once they are able to drink, the problem of drunkenness is suddenly a problem as this one with new freedoms experiments these limitations of the freedoms. Both the crazy driver and the drunk have experienced something and will learn the lesson eventually, unless they are destroy by the lack of responsibility or are placed in an area where their irresponsibility cannot damage other citizens (jail.) They have experienced the limitations of themselves.

Intermission...

2006-06-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

…These are hardly new or startling thoughts, but they help us to introduce the problem of man’s distinctive interiority. When you get up the scale of man, the great dualism of nature, of creation as having both an inside and an outside, is carried to its furthest extreme. And it presents a poignant problem that dogs us all of our life. We come into contact with people only with our exteriors—physically and externally; yet each of us walks about with a great wealth of interior life, a private and secret self. We are, in reality, somewhat split in two, the self and the body; the one hidden, the other open. The child learns very quickly to cultivate this private self because it puts a barrier between him and the demands of the world. He learns he can keep secrets—at first an excruciating, intolerable burden (Soooo true. If you have had a young sibling, you will totally agree!): it seems that the outer world has every right to penetrate into his self and that the parents could automatically do so if they wished—they always seem to know just what he is thinking and feeling. But then he discovers that he can lie and not be found out: it is a great and liberating moment, this anxious first lie—it represents the staking out of his claim to an integral inner self, free from the prying eyes of the world.

By the time we grow up we become masters at dissimulation, at cultivating a self that the world cannot probe. But we pay a price. After years of turning people away, of protecting our inner self, of cultivating it by living in a different world, of furnishing this world with our fantasies and dreams—lo and behold we find that we are hopelessly separated from everyone else. We have become victims of our own art. We touch people on the outside of their bodies, and they us, but we cannot get at their insides and cannot reveal our insides to them. This is one of the great tragedies of our inferiority—it is utterly personal and urevealable…Many people pursue sex precisely because it is a mystique of the overcoming of the separateness of the inner world; and they go from one partner to another because they can never quite achieve “it”…

Only during one period of our lives do we normally break down the barriers of separateness, and that is during the time that the psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan called the “pre-adolescent chumship.” It is then that we are striving hardest to establish this integral domain of our inner identity, and out chum help us. Remember that time? Sitting around on the curbstone with your friend and communicating about your mutual insides. It is uncanny. Unhappily, the years pass and the one goes into the late teens and into the career world. The “outer” or public aspect of our lives takes over: we begin to ideal in exteriors, in shirts, ties and calling cards, in salaries and ranks. One of the reasons that youth and their elders don’t understand one another is that they live in “different worlds”: the youth are striving to deal with one another in terms of their insides, the elders have long since lost the magic of the chumship. Especially today, the exterior or public aspect of adolescent art of communicating on the basis of internal feelings; they may even try to break through the carapace of their own parents, try to get the insides to come out.

But usually it is too late; the inner world has been isolated and dumb for years, blocked off by the exterior façade…

(Earnest Becker, The Birth and Death of Meaning)

But there is hope…

But among Christians there should be a more profound way to know each other. Let us say we want to have communication; we are sick of this horrible mechanical inhumanity that we find around us. We are sick of being simply IBM cards. The Christian boy and girl who want to be open with each other, the Christian husband and wife who want to be open with each other, the pastor and the people who want to be open with each other--how can they really do it, moving from the outside inward? The problem of knowing each other is the discrepency between what a man seems to be and what he is inside. That is always the problem with getting inside and getting to know each other. So how do you get through?

Can you see that to the extent to which people accept biblical teaching for the inward man as well as the outward man, there is an increasing integration of the inward and the outward man--because they see both the inward and the outward man under the unity of the same norms, in regard to both values and knowing? It is possible to move from the outward man to the inward man because there is an increasing alignment as both are bound by the same universal. We must allow the norms of God in values and knowing to bind the inward man as well as the outward man, so that there is less and less discrepancy between the inward man and the outward man.Unhappily, we will not perfectly keep God's norm more in the internal world of thought than we do externally, and even (in a fallen world) perhaps not as much. But with God's norms of truth, morals, values and knowling, we have tracks (or, perhaps a better analogy, a North Star) which give unity to the internal and external world. God's norms not only give unity, but they also provide a bridge between these two worlds.

This applies both for ourselves, and then to get down inside each other. When we step from the external to the internal world of thought, we are not on a sea without a shore either in regard to ourselves or in regard to the woman or the man who stand before us.

(Francis Schaeffer, He Is There and He Is Not Silent)

Space V

2006-05-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

I have chosen the human and observed the human to define space. Yes, it does meet the requirements of possessing life, seen characteristics as well as unseen characteristics. As you may have realized so far, each requirement is based on the fact that I am human, but that is all I have. I cannot escape that fact. I say all of this to reveal another point in which I have chosen the human. The human is the only living matter that will become something it was not meant to be. For instance, the human can take flight, but it has no wings. The human will swim for hours, even days, but does not have gills. The human will even plot acts of destruction for other living things when its greatest expression is life itself. The human will attempt to escape the limitations of space, seen or unseen, in remarkable ways only to find more limitations. The human is constantly testing its limitations.

Therefore, in order to understand the limitations of the human and its life, one must go back and take a second look at humanity. One must ponder the immaterial and material. Yes, these sections are two, completely different sections. There is nothing similar. Yet, there is one point in which the immaterial and material meet which is crucial in defining both seen space and unseen space.

The point at which the immaterial and material intersect, the seen and the unseen intersect, are the same point. It seems that this point is found in the human ability to make a choice...

Space IV

2006-05-08T19:39:00.001-07:00

So we are left with the human…

The human is living matter because it reproduces. It does not physically create new matter, but simply reproduces that which it is. The human also has seen and unseen space about itself. The human is subject to the laws of its surroundings because of the other matter is exist with, which helps define what seen space is. There are many boundaries that the human interacts with daily such as gravity, aerodynamics, an action will warrant an equal or greater reaction and the like. Because the human can move other matter by its own initiative, or any living organisms for that matter, the fact can be said that the human can use the laws for its own use. The human can use these laws to create physical or seen limitations of its space and allow certain laws to affect it and certain ones to be impotent. Because of the knowledge of the limitations in its surrounding space, the human is much more developed than the animal, plant or rock in that it posses the ability to understand the law. The human can know. Therefore, it can, over time, possibly over come the law. Flight is an example of this.

The human also possess unseen space. Because the human communicates, has feeling emotions and thoughts, the human possesses unseen characteristics. Even at birth the human is testifying of this fact because of the reaction to pain or fear or an empty stomach. This is not a new truth, but a truth shared by Aristotle, Thomas Aquinas and other great philosophers.

Both Aristotle and Aquinas agreed in the dichotomous representation of man as well as most philosophers, theologians and anthropologist regardless of race or religion. Observing the human, the human can be split into two groups hence the term “dichotomous.” Those groups are the immaterial (the unseen) and the material (the seen). The truth in this area is that the material is moved by the immaterial. When one moves one’s hand, it is not simply reaching over and moving it, but the brain is using the nerves to move it. Now, before the brain even begins to instruct the nerves to move the hand, something must happen. Something immaterially must happen. The human must want to move the hand. It must be an act of the will which is immaterial.

Therefore, the immaterial can be defined as that which takes up seen space. Emotions and feelings have been discovered as chemical reactions therefore they are ruled out of this category. In this category, the immaterial would possess the soul (if one is a theist), the will, love and thoughts. Each takes place in a material matter structure, but are immaterial themselves.

The material can be defined as that which takes up seen space. The skeleton system, the emotions and feelings are all apart of this category. These can be moved, but by themselves without the immaterial are worthless. In fact, a human is labeled dead without the immaterial. The material causes the human to interact with its surroundings and know what space it is in visually. The material allows the human to reproduce, live and communicate because of the structure. The material and immaterial are both crucial in helping define what space is...

Space III

2006-05-08T19:39:00.000-07:00

Now before I begin to discuss the limitations of space or even the existence of limitations in space, I must chase a rabbit. This hare is germane. I must attempt to define space.

Before I define space, I must determine what group of matter I shall observe before I can begin to determine the space. As I have mentioned in the previous two sections, this space is something that is seen (wall in the garden, traffic lanes, etc.) and unseen (the boundary set forth by the elevator occupant). I believe I have given logical examples in the existence of space. The validity of this argument is frivolous, but another point must be made first. There is the seen and the unseen so one must look for a group of matter that consists of both.

The search for a certain matter to help define space will automatically rule out any non-living matter. A wall, rock or mountain cannot have any unseen space because it is not living. It simply takes up the space it was left in, but it can change forms. For instances, a mountain can become a flood of molten rock when heated as is the case of volcanoes. Non-living matter can change forms, but is not living. What determines something that is living or non-living? It is the ability to reproduce that determines if something is living or non-living. Rocks, mountains and a wall cannot reproduce on its own. One does not cultivate a field of rock or trim a brick wall because it is not living or it cannot reproduce.

So we must turn to the living…

The two groups in the living are animals and plants. If one were to define space in seen and unseen characteristics, it would be hard to define it with plants. Plants are wonderful specimens of living organisms ranging from microscopic levels to massive trees. There are many unknown facts and processes in plants that allude to possibility of defining space. Plants can change in space as well as space itself. For instance, if one places a plant in a shaded area just outside the reach of sunrays, the plant will begin to grow towards the sunrays. It will contort itself and its natural structure for the life of the plant. Plants are in need of sunlight, carbon dioxide and oxygen. They are living. They reproduce. They take up space, but they do not possess an unseen space and a seen space. How can one determine this? Plants lack communication, emotions, feelings and imagination. They simply fulfill the task at hand and survive, using up as much resources as they need. To possess unseen space, the matter must be living and have unseen characteristics (i.e. communication, emotions, feelings, etc.).

Animals are the next group to ponder. Similar to plants in that they reproduce, thus living, animals are also different because they possesses some unseen characteristics. Communication is very evident in the animal. Whether it is the wolf howling, the bee buzzing or the bird singing, almost all kinds of animals communicate. Animals also possess personality. It is quite easy to see this point in dogs. Dogs can be excited to see an owner, hostile when it meets a stranger, sad when it looses a pup or tired after a run. Many emotions are pellucid in animals thus making animals a strong case to help define space. Because of the great variety of animals, it would seem like the logical choice. However, space is not simply confined to seen and unseen, but what the matter does to get outside of the space. The dog never starts buzzing like a bee or making honey. The whale does not take flight and nest in trees. The animal simply accomplishes the task and live life in the space that is most beneficial to them. It is known that certain characteristics and features of animals may morph depending on the surrounding conditions, but this is not determined by the animal itself, but the conditions or space it is in. The animal does not necessarily define the space it is in (seen or unseen), but is contained by it.

Space II

2006-05-01T21:21:00.000-07:00

The violation of space awakens a presupposition of space.

I enjoy live music. Mostly because of the experience than the sound, live music is entertaining to watch. Whether it is watching the drummer or being entertained by the lead singer, live music is a feast for the senses. I once saw Better Than Ezra in concert in a small venue here in Dallas. Yes, the band is a “has been”, but nonetheless it was very entertaining. I also saw Death Cab for Cutie recently at the Nokia Center. Our tickets ended up being further back than anticipated so the scene was not as glorious as the small venue in which I watched BTE. Both groups were live. Both groups had entertaining lead singers with amazing voices. Yet both experiences were very different because of the venues and seating arrangements.

In designing anything, one must take into consideration the space one has to work with. One cannot begin to simply create until a space has been defined. In designing an area of life, this principle is of the utmost importance. If I were to design an office building and not utilize the space I am working with, the cost of the building would be considerably larger than the space actually needed to work in. If there are no doors in the building, the building would be worthless. Functionality is imperative to good design. Now, depending on the focus of the design, other characteristics come into play. In every situation regardless of culture, function (business, pleasure, personal, etc.) or location (indoors or outdoors), intimacy is inevitable.

Let us take the common office building for example. In most office building these days, the floor plans are laid out as large great rooms with offices around the parameter of this great room. The offices typically are assigned to the higher ranked employees, while the lower ranked employees are assigned to the great room. The lower ranked employees do not simply set up shop next to each other as was the case in the 1940’s and 1950’s. They have cubicle walls. These were not a successful invention because of a great marketing campaign, but because of an understanding of humanity. The cubicle wall helps define space and with the definition of space, they supply a sense of security, protection and ownership.

The same can be said in the landscape. If one desires to have an intimate landscape, one must build structures or plant larger, “screen” plantings to enforce a barrier of space. A garden without screens is usually chaotic to be in. One’s eyes are always taken to the next area and seldom contained in the area the person is currently in. Barriers also present an essence of mystery in that the one experiencing the garden does not know what is just around the corner. In large, open gardens, intimate spaces are intentionally planned and people usually congregate to them. However, if one person already exists in these intimate spaces, another person seldom enters that space unless it is large enough for two. Now—and I am being somewhat facetious, but honest—if two lovers are in the garden, or any space for that matter, space does not become as much of an issue as it does with two complete strangers.

Elevators are areas of space in which people interact as well. If one is on an elevator, one can stand wherever they please without committing a terrible, social foul. Now, if another person enters the elevator, millions and millions of laws come into affect. Whether the people know each other or not determines the space each will occupy on the elevator. Going back to complete strangers, it would be miserable for them to be trapped on an elevator. Yes, they could become friends eventually, but we are talking about the present and not the future. Strangers would not want to occupy a small amount of space because it is small and the size is determined by each individual. It would not be small for two lovers because the individuals are different. Yet, people do not desire to occupy very large, open spaces as well.

Each space is determined by its limitations either placed on it by society, by construction or by the individual…

Space I

2006-04-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

“We must learn our limits. We are all something, but none of us are everything.”
-Blaise Pascal

I drive a car. Like most Home sapiens in the new millennium, one has to drive a car to get somewhere. This getting somewhere is seldom achieved by energy of the person, but gas. In our driving, we have lanes. In fact, we even have certain procedures in changing lanes that all Home sapiens abide by. Why? So chaos does not come forth and ruin our days. So we can get things done. Therefore, we have imaginative areas that we occupy while driving our “extension of our own energy” around town so we can “get things done.”

I have a room as well. In this room I place my possessions in relation to 1) Priority, 2) Usefulness, 3) Design, 4) Efficiency and 5) Necessity. I do not place my golf clubs in the middle of the room because I rarely use them, so I place them in the back of my closet. My bed is easy to get to because I need it every single day. My ironing board is somewhat hidden, but it is accessible and not isolated. My clothes are hung in an organized fashion to accommodate my selection process in the mornings when I am half awake. The trash can is easily accessible because I have a lot of trash.

At work, I have a desk. I have recently moved into a new cubicle. Because of the larger size I have added three plants and posters of trees around the walls to add color. I find it helpful to look at the posters of trees when pondering a purchase of trees. It’s much like a HUGE reference book. I have a laptop at work that is strategically placed in an area where I can use it freely. On the side is an area where I can lay large plans out to discuss phases of construction and the like with production.

Each of these represents space. Philosophers have defined the difference between the metaphysical and the physical by “space and time.” Both space and time define the world we live in. All physics, chemistry and biological laws must first start with the assumption that there is space and time. A chemical cannot react if it does not occupy some kind of space. A building cannot withstand wind without first occupying space. The occupation of space determines the existence of the object in this world. If the object is fast, it will occupy a large amount of space (i.e. the electron in relation to the space it occupies). If it is stationary, it will occupy the space of which it is made of.

As I ponder how I interact with space, it amazes me of my own habits. Take driving for instance. If someone was to simply change lanes right into the very lane one was occupying, a reaction would occur. For the skilled driver, brakes and swerving may commence with the possibility of profanity and gestures. For the unskilled driver, fear and intimidation would commence. Regardless of the skill, something, some reaction would be generate by the other object occupying the space. Like a violation of someone entering one’s house without permission, so is the driver who has been cut off or side swiped. A space has been entered and it awakens something within…

Going Home

2006-04-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling kind of restless.
I've been feeling out of place.
I can hear adistant singing,
a song that I can't write,
but it echoes in what I'm always trying to say

There's a feeling I can't capture. I
t's alwaysjust a prayer away.
I want to know the ending,
things hoped for but not seen,
but I guess that's the point in hoping anyway

CHORUS:
Going home, I'll meet you at the table.
Going home, I'll meet you in the air.
You are never too young to think about it.
Oh, I cannot wait to be home .

I'm confined by my senses
to really know what you are like.
You are more than I can fathom,
more than I can guess,
and more than I can see with human sight.

But I have felt you with my spirit.
I have felt you fill this room.
This is just an invitation,
a sample of the whole,
and I cannot wait to be going home

CHORUS

Face to face how can it be? Face to facehow can it be? Face to face how can it be?

-Sara Groves

Wanting

2006-03-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

“Want to buy happiness? Spend less.”-The Dallas Morning News billboard

Driving south on 75, this billboard caught my eye. This is a profound statement, but to the marketing person or the salesperson in a modern culture, this doesn’t make sense. Why would any salesperson want anyone to sell less? Their job is to sell things. More is better and bigger is best. In my limited knowledge of economics, buying more seems to be the drive behind a free market system. Those in a free market system are free to fulfill their wants and their desires.

Wanting…

Many times I associate this word with material things. For instance, I wanted to listen to some different music this week, so I purchased more CDs. I go out and get what I want because I am capable of doing such things. However, when pondering my wants and listening to other people and their wants, interesting things surface. “I want a meaningful relationship.” “I want a nice car.” “I want to be rich.” Many times, the persons saying such statements are already in a meaningful relationship, have a nice car, or are well off. Their wants are not satisfied even-though they already have them.

The same can be said of the immaterial. I find that I constantly struggle with wanting more attention, more love, more praise from other people. These things are not tangible, but intangible. So, in a completely human, American way, when I am lacking of attention, love or praise, I set out to gain it. I know what to do to get it. I can talk more, joke more, wear things that I know people will complement me on or make people look at me, or create a new image solely based on my strengths and exalt these strengths.

But I still want…

This is where the subject of “needs” come in. What is the difference of a “want” and a “need?” I think to understand each, one must understand the origin of each. My wants are determined by me. My needs are determined by Something greater. For instance, I have a need to eat, to be loved and to sweat when I am hot. Each of these I did not choose to possess, but it is part of being a human. My “wants” can stem from these “needs.” I want to eat a certain type of food, to be loved by a certain thing or person or to cool myself off are ways we combat theses needs. I simply satisfy my wants without ever thinking of their origins.

“I am in need.” These are some of the hardest words for me to say. To recognize that I am depraved of something is humbling. It is funny how we humans will take the painful recognition of a depravity and glorify it. Food and sports are two great examples. We will pride ourselves while dining at the best restaurants, as we subtly say, “help me, I cannot live without food.” Sports are great and I love watching them, but they can be the exploitation of our inward desire to be a god. It is painful to be still, to stop and to accept our needs. It is painful for me to accept that I am in need.

Yet, when I choose to accept this, when I chose to accept that I am indeed a person who is depraved, my wants do not deceive me. I can enjoy a wonderful meal at a nice restaurant, a great basketball game or a nice car without it becoming an addiction. I can be praised or be loved by many people, but that will not change my identity. I can live life to its fullest potential, have a great time at parties and events, but the things I do, do not own me or determine who I am.

Where are you in this matter? Do you consume your life with the satisfaction of your wants, never leaving any time to ponder why you are doing it in the first place? Stop. Ponder your wants and needs. This Something who has created us can satisfy you. You must simply acknowledge you are in need in the first place.

Love Your Enemies III

2006-02-05T20:31:00.000-08:00

My greatest enemy is myself…

It is I who embarrasses my-self the most. It is I who is the hardest to forgive, or never to forgive at all. It is I who is the worse person to live with. Knowing my own depravity, my own inadequacies and inabilities are far too great to handle. I would much rather be with someone else and talk with them, fellowship with them, than live with myself. I am not talking about being alone materially (externally). I can be in a crowded room and still feel alone. I am talking about accepting the truth about oneself. I am the hardest person to live with. Because of my brokenness and depravity, I reject myself through the accumulation of things and addiction to things.

Addictions are an excellent revelation of this point. Christians are told to never smoke pot, drink alcohol or look at pornography. Each is plausible because our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and it is to be pure as our Heavenly Father is pure. But the Christian determines what is pure, not the God of himself. Christians will speak out and be adamant against addictions of pot, alcohol and sex, only to revert to their pot of coffee or soda-pop endlessly. The “good” Christian can be addicted to theological books, study of the Bible and the memorization of God’s word and not realize it is the process or practice that they love, not the God of the words. The “good” Christian cannot stop watching football, eating good meals, but considers himself as “pure” because he is not a homosexual, a drunkard or divorced. The Christian switches addictions materially because he wants to be changed, materially. Culture, practice and others tell him the Christian is to be different materially, so he focuses on the material forgetting the material is moved by the immaterial. The Christian becomes his greatest enemy because he cannot love his closest neighbor—himself.

The Christian soon discovers that is it “himself” that is the hardest person to love apart from Christ. It is difficult to comprehend this in a society that is completely selfish. The self-help books and individuality of this culture reeks of self-centeredness in which “I” am the greatest being that has lived. “I” is worship and defended to no end so that it may never taste death. Why is that? The world, as well as the modern Christian, consumes life with “me” in an arduous journey to find confidence. Overspending, overeating, over-working-out and plastic surgery do not exist because we love ourselves. It is because we cannot love ourselves to begin with. Addictions do not begin with lack of discipline. Addictions begin with the absence of receiving love. The love could be there, but the addict cannot receive it. The addict does not want to receive it even-though it is the very thing that will save them.

This “Self Enemy” is evident in my external life as well. In pondering my “greatest external enemies” past, present and future, it was difficult to find a common thread. Some enemies were and are down-right mean. They did or do not like me and put me down constantly. Words were the sharpest weapon to use and my “greatest external enemy” knew and knows how to use them frequently. Yet, there was even a deeper difference between a plain enemy and a great enemy. The hair on the back of my neck would, and still does, rise at the presence of a great enemy, not a plain enemy. The presence of the person evokes emotion, bitterness and anger. This presence reveals something greater that is happening than just mere words, actions or external “things.” It is deeper in me. My “greatest external enemies” were and are people who have the same “thorn” in their side as I. My “greatest external enemies” expressed the same depravity as did or do I and I hated seeing it. My “greatest external enemies” reflects my depravity in the brightest way, and because I am at war with myself, I cannot stand it. I must fight back and so I create an enemy outside of myself…

Love Your Enemies II

2006-01-30T20:55:00.000-08:00

Who is my greatest enemy?

This enemy would have to embarrass me continually because embarrassment is one of the most painful things I can endure. I cannot stand embarrassment even-though it seldom happens to me. When it does, I am never ready or never prepared. Embarrassment is an outward glimpse of my depravity and my pride cannot take it. It exposes the secrets without discretion, tact or opinion leaving nothing but blushing and awkward speech in its wake. Because this enemy could embarrass me to no end, it would have to know my darkest secrets. The things no one knows about, this enemy would know. Not only would it know about it, but, through embarrassment, it would reveal these secrets. Inabilities would also tie into the secrets subject. My greatest enemy would have to know my greatest failures and inabilities. Much like the sports world, the Notre Dame fan or the IU fan can continually state the inabilities or failures of Purdue football and basketball. This boils my blood to no end revealing the truth of the matter, but creating an enemy nonetheless.

These were material characteristics as well as immaterial, but mostly material. Now, let us strictly speak of the immaterial. One immaterial thing is affections. My greatest enemy would have to know my affections. It would have to know what I love and what I am passionate for. It would also would know my greatest fears. Why am I scared of"such and such" thing? Because it reveals my true identity and this cannot be exposed. But, my greatest enemy would expose this. The greatest enemy would not necessarily fight me with lies, because lies do not stand in testing. I can believe a lie and that could cause me a great deal of pain, but my greatest enemy is not looking for extreme pain. It wants death. That is exactly what makes it the greatest enemy. Lies do not kill. The absence of truth does.

In review, the Christian might say that it is easy to see a chasm between the two “people.” The friend, or greatest friend, would be Jesus. The enemy, or greatest enemy would be Satan. However, several philosophers and theologians have mentioned in the past that if one states that God and Satan are in a cosmic stalwart, then there must be a greater being that determines which is God and which is Satan. This cannot be true. Therefore, it is God who is the creator of all things and sin is a result, somehow, of creation, but not the Creator. The chasm of enemy and friend is not so much in the cosmos, but in creation. It is much closer to home...

Love Your Enemies I

2006-01-28T08:31:00.000-08:00

But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matt. 5:43

This past week, the subject "Loving Enemies" has inadvertently entered my mind through an interesting detour. In thinking of a different subject, I was approached with the questions: “What does loving your enemy mean?” Continuing this thought, the question: “Who are my enemies”, came about. So I pondered these questions…

Before I continue, I want to talk about “greater” and “lesser.” Each term in my world determines a statistic or an amount of something. This something can be immaterial or material. However, many times in the immaterial I can deceive myself into thinking it can be measured. Take faith for instance. I do not believe my faith increases, but my revelation of what I have my faith in increases. Through difficult situations, my faith in God does not increase, but the revelation of my faith in other things such as myself, or my parents, is reduced considerably. My faith is refined, but is not increased. The love of God is the same thing. It does not increase or decrease with material actions, but is measured immaterially. It is measure infinitely. I am hesitant to use “greater” or “lesser” theologically, but in material actions and subjects, it is much easier to use.

Another term I would like to define is the opposite of enemy—a friend. A friend is one whom relates to you. One can accept one’s friend, warts and all. One can believe or trust in a friend, because they are trustworthy. One can confront or discipline a friend, because the love for each other is great. Friends are different than enemies because of love. And enemy could give you a drink, but if they are an enemy, there is no love and there is no trust. The drink could be poisoned. A friend’s drink is taken without hesitation (unless you live in a fraternity). It is the immaterial that makes the material different. A friend is someone that can be hurt, but the wound is viewed as discipline instead of an attack. A friend is a person who is interested in the life of a person, not the death of them. They are not cheerleaders who fill the air with flattery. They are teammates and teammates get angry with each other. They are not concerned with image, but identity and want the same for their friends. A friend, first and foremost, is a human at its greatest definition.

Who is my enemy? When I think of my enemies, no one or nothing comes to mind immediately. I am a nice guy and rarely get in fights. I do have the occasionally bought with the obnoxious Indiana University fans, the New England Patriot fans or the Ohio State fans. But none of these come close to the fans of Notre Dame. I literally hate Norte Dame. Moving away from the sports world, I seldom get upset or irate over any topic. It is hard to distinguish from true enemies or people I am angry with. For instance, drivers on the road who cannot, for the life of them, drive according to Dallas, Texas driving standards, anger me. Are they my enemy? No, because they are doing it out of ignorance, not motives (most of the time). An enemy would be one who attacks me intentionally. Reviewing the verse again, I cannot help but rank my enemies as well as my friends. Using the greater and lesser helps me evaluate the situation through justice. Enemies and friends are determined by material actions, thus using “greater” and “lesser” now comes into play…

Temptation II

2006-01-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try and answer the questions posed in essay form. Let me know if I didn't answer a question.

In regards to the over-spender, yes I believe there is a change that occurs in the abolition of the credit card, but I do not see it as death. I see it as oppression. One is "starving" the root sin by not letting it "express" itself, but it does not die. How do you kill it? Well, ha ha, the entire reason why I am pondering this is because I have not been "successful" at resisting temptation so with great hesitation, I move forward.

Let's take control for example. I hate giving up control of my life and in different situations. I want to know the ending, the beginning and the middle. The area of my life that breeds control does not want to die. However, this control issue is exposed when I am faced with a situation that I am not in control of. I react in different ways from anger, to pride, to lust and denial. I try to get away from this situation of un-control, by controlling my surroundings, my external life. This is the temptation: to escape this point of tension by controlling. Now, I have two options. The first is to control it through denial and running from the pain through various "doing" activities. The second choice is to stop; I can accept the fact that I am not in control, but also go further and accept the fact that I cannot change this brokenness within me. I cannot change myself. I can do nothing about the subject only to accept God's work in my life. This is the death part. In previous situations, I would acknowledge the wrong, but I would not acknowledge, or even ponder the depth of my own depravity. It is when I ponder and admit to my depravity is when I truly see a change in my life. This change does not happen immediately externally, but it is gradual because something is being re-born within me.

Yes, I would agree to the fact that the Bible teaches us to flee temptation, but I have realized I assume quickly the meaning of theses words--especially "flee" and "temptation." We can discuss all the different temptations that are out there, but I am shooting for the moon and want to nail down the entire subject as a whole. "Temptation" can refer to a specific temptation or the entire subject as a whole. Only the subject of the passage will determine the definition of the word. I do not think Jesus going into the desert is related to battling temptation. Like a person who teaches that all Christians should be carpenters or Israelites because Jesus was, I believe this would fall under the same situation. I would venture to say that we do not know why He was lead into the desert because no one knows what happened to Him until the end of the time. Now, what I will say is that His reaction to the tempter is very helpful. Everything that the tempter tempted Him with was external, but he was trying to get Jesus' internal to change. In other words, temptation has nothing to do with the external first, but the internal.

Take a commercial for hamburgers for example. The marketing professional does not create an ad that lists all the ingredients of the hamburger and end with that. They know better. What takes place is a connection with the viewer's weakness, because the marketing professionals know humans are weak (especially Americans when it comes to food). The time of day is even chosen because the lack of discipline will be greater around dinner time. Capitalism can tend to feed off of weaknesses through temptation. Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Need” is a great example of external conditions. That is exactly what the tempter was doing with Jesus. He was trying to see if He truly was who He was. Because Jesus knew who He was, because His food was not from earth, but from heaven (John 4:32), He was able to not allow His flesh to live. Since He had no sin, the external temptation revealed the pure, Holy, internal which manifested itself externally.

In regards to I Corinthians 10:13, yes I am familiar with this verse. I do agree it is talking about "escaping" and "temptation." But, we still have the vagueness of these terms to deal with again. Yet, after pondering this verse for several years now, I think the way of escape is death and then resurrection. The escape is not immediate in that God will give you a way out of fulfilling the temptation. It has happened to me before when the Holy Spirit speaks to me, but I reject it. But that is not an escape from "temptation," using the definition as the entire subject altogether. If the Christian focuses on one individual temptation, the Christian will be "fighting fires" and become defeated because the main problem has not been solved. Temptation reveals what is inside and the human heart is depraved. Therefore, the only way to escape temptation is through death. Even Jesus did not escape temptation until He was gone. He was tempted in the palace while be questioned and beaten. In order for the Son of Man to escape temptation, He had to die--why would Christians have it any other way?

In regards to the basketball free throws, I agree with this method under one condition: that the person shooting the free throws first admit that it is humanly impossible for him to shoot them. In other words, I think the analogy helps the Christian after they realize they must first die. For instance, if we look at the two lives that are battling, the flesh and the spirit, we must first not forget the obvious—they are lives. Therefore, they need sustenance and supplies like any living thing. The Spirit body is fed through a relationship with Christ, communion, assembly of the brethren, reading of scriptures, etc. The flesh is through lying, lustfulness, stealing, etc. We must feed our lives with things that would feed our Spirit. But the original truth must be faced in that our old life must die in order for our new life to live. Therefore, the discipline of the mind as in basketball is very helpful in the life of the Spirit in the believer. But the life of the Spirit cannot fully live, or even begin to life for that matter, unless the death of the flesh is addressed. That is why death is glorious to the Spiritual man, but terrifying to the carnal man.

In regards to the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5:27-30) and the removal of body parts to avoid temptation, I have not had time to ponder this verse as long. However, I will default to Dallas Willard's book, Divine Conspiracy in which he proposes a profound new take on this idea. Dr. Willard thinks Jesus is being sarcastic. If one begins to butcher themselves because the body part causes them to sin, there will be no more life. They will die. It is impossible for anyone not to sin! It is engraved in our body. Thus, the butchering of the body will accelerate the transformation of the believer into the "new body" (whenever that occurs), but still will not rid them of temptation. It will only rid oneself of the ability to sin; the ability to be tempted.

The reason for my focus of this issue is I desire to live a life that is changed. Not a discipline, a religion or an image. In order to do this, it is clear to me that I must deny myself and take up my cross (a form of execution) to follow Him. This denial and execution must take place first before I begin to learn anything new. My flesh wants the easy way out so I will say, "Oh yeah, I did that when I 'accepted' Christ into my life," but that is a lie. The revelation of my salvation is still active. The more I ponder this and follow Christ, the more I see my own depravity and inability to do anything about it. Yet, in this same moment, I cannot express in words the amount of grace I experience and see. I am still perplexed at what has happened to me and I challenge you to examine your own life and see what God has done.

Temptation

2006-01-07T09:13:00.000-08:00

I have been pondering temptation and how the modern Christian "attacks" or "battles" against temptation. Take overeating and overspending for example. I know many people, as do I, have credit card debt. In talking with many people in my generation, one way to "control", "defeat" or rid oneself of this temptation is to eliminate the credit card altogether. Therefore, if the credit card does not exist, the temptation does not.

Overeating is very similar. If one realizes they overeat, then the abolition
of food is sought. One will go to great extremes to flee from this temptation. Bitterness, anger and rejection all enter the overeaters mind in order to rid them of overeating. Food has become evil and good food is even more evil.

And nothing could be more disconnected from the heart. It is not the credit card or the food that is evil, but the heart of the person. A person's heart, whether Christian or not, is evil and deceitful. Yet, we modern Christians ignore this and run to our disciplines more than our Savior. We see our downfall only because Christian society will identify it as a "downfall" and then, in our individualistic attitude, we take over to "fix the problem." But the problem is never fixed. It, the problem and not the sin, is fled from. Temptation is a past life in us wanting to live and we are feeding it, clothing it and caring for it like a baby lion. We do not realize the lion will grow and eventually kill our physical bodies prematurely. How do we respond to temptation this way? We allow it to die. "Who likes to watch anything die?" Death is cruel so we flee this option and give it a "life sentence." It is impossible to do without the work of the Holy Spirit. To allow a life that is so accustomed to us to die and enter blindly into a true life is not normal. It is not of this world.

As I pondered this and started to read Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard quotes C.S. Lewis writing on the same subject in one of my favorite books, Mere Christianity:

“…our faith is not a matter of our hearing what Christ said long ago and ‘trying to carry it out.’ Rather, ‘the real Son of God is at your side. He is beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself. He is beginning, so to speak, to ‘inject’ His kind of life and thought, His Zoe [life], into you; beginning to turn the tin soldier into a live man. The part of you that does not like it is the part that is still tin.’”

This is where our dignity and depravity collide. Because we still hold true to the image of God, we can allow things to live or die. We can, through our words, build people up, encourage them and allow the Holy Spirit to live in us. The opposite is just as true. So the point of tension has nothing to do with the external actions of what we are doing or not doing. Temptation has nothing to do with what we are doing or not doing. The point of tension of the Christian and of temptation is who are we allowing to live?

How Death Affects The Christian Life

2006-01-02T20:30:00.000-08:00

...Death is evident in all life. This is not a hidden secret, but is a truth found in all living things. It is the dog who responds viciously to the punishment of the owner that portrays the knowledge of such truth as well as the mother who shields her baby from the cold, hard, truth of reality. The Christian and the carnal man arrive at the same point in space in time. How does one deal with the dignity of man and his abilities, yet live with the depravity of knowing he will end? The carnal man is fragmented in his answer by stating that it is life that is the reason for living. The lyrics of the very popular song Name by the Goo Goo Dolls exemplify this: “Don’t it make you sad to know that life, is more than who you are?” Meaning: this life does not determine your meaning and it cannot be reached corporeally. Thus, the carnal man will strive for everything he can touch, feel, taste and see. He avoids death at all costs until it is inevitably at his doorstep and he cannot avoid it. He is afraid of death because it is the end of himself.

The Christian is told by Jesus that he is to fear not because He has overcome the world. The Christian is told that death—to the flesh—is the beginning of himself. The Christian does not hold the fact of the time and place of his own death, but the knowledge that death is evident. So the superiority does not come with facts in space in time, but in the belief of the Being that is in control of the death. Yet the Christian still fights and runs from this truth as does the carnal man. The Christian still is fearful of his own death because of the uncertainty of the situation. Furthermore, the Christian is fearful or does not know how to handle the subject of death because he has allowed himself to be deceived by the world he lives in that he is immortal. Through the complexity of life in modern culture, the Christian has filled his time with responsibilities of this world. His Spiritual life is filled with the disciplines of the faith, the constant “doing” of tasks that he seldom stops. He is like the carnal man in this subject of death in that he responds to the uncertainty of the subject by filling his life with certainty.

This is the downfall of the Christian. He spends his time filling it with the search for answers to questions that are temporal and ephemeral, but can be answered. Yet the questions he cannot answer he does not ponder because those reveal his own depravity and limitations. The Christian runs from sin as the Bible teaches only to realize he is simply running externally from sin and not internally. He cannot allow the flesh inside of him to die because he himself has not dealt with the topic of death himself. Once the Christian can live with the notion that he will end and not forget who he is, is when he can begin to live in Christ. It was Jesus who did not run to His disciplines and doctrine to rescue Him while on the cross, but accepted His fate by trusting His father. Jesus lived with the reality of His fate and in this He truly lived.

Love

2005-12-26T14:08:00.000-08:00

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken: it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. the only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God's will that a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness. It is like hiding the talent in a napkin and for much the same reason "I knew thee that thou wert a hard man." Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness. If a man is not uncalculating towards the earthly beloveds whom he has seen, he is none the more likely to be so towards God who he has not. We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it."

-C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

A Baby

2005-12-19T07:11:00.000-08:00

Cheetahs are one of my favorite animals. Growing up, I always admired their speed and quickness. They lack power and strength as I, but because I am a skinny, fast lad, I admire the cheetah. One interesting aspect has come to my mind about cheetahs. I have never seen a cheetah flying by its own strength. I have watched many nature videos on these animals and have never seen it hunting in packs as the lions or hyenas do. They hunt as cheetahs do, independently. I have never witness a cheetah wearing another animal's skin and creating large structures to walk into and sleep. They wear their own fur and sleep in trees. They are cheetahs and they only can do what cheetahs do.

Homo sapiens are different. It is the Homo sapien that builds large structures, fast sports cars and large air planes. Homo sapiens will venture outside of themselves to become something greater. They cannot fly, swim for large amounts of time, run fast or dig for long distances, but they can create objects than allow them to do so. What makes the Homo sapien able to do such things? It is the soul. The soul allows the Homo sapien to think outside of itself, to know of the metaphysical and to know of its limitations. This knowledge has created a void in the Homo sapien and its reaction is to fill this void with the expression of this gift. They do not create anymore for the sake of creation, but for the sake of their own soul. They validate their existence by the work they do, but they forget the reason why they were created in the first place. Unlike the cheetah, they cannot live with themselves and their dependancy, so they run from this fact through the expression of their greatness.

But there was one Homo sapien that was different. It was a male who entered this world not as an adult, but as a child who needed training. He needed help. He was not a superior Homo sapien by physical attributes and could have had a learning disability or physical handicap. This Homo sapien did not exert greatness in the arena at the Coliseum, or fly by His own strength, or run as fast as the cheetah. He was not a great creature physically. He was Homo sapien. Yet, in this normality, He was abnormal. He was abnormal in His soul. He knew who He was and this knowledge was powerful. Because He knew who He was, because His soul was connected with His body, He was the greatest Homo sapien. He did not do the things He did out of misery and agony of brokenness, but out of a greatness that had never been seen before. He was able to live as Himself, but also know of a further greatness, a metaphysical greatness, that other creatures do not know about. He could live on earth and be okay that His life on earth would end. He did not live with the anxiety of death eventhough He knew from the beginning that death would come.

The greatest thing about this Homo sapien's birth was the normality of it. His life, presence and power had nothing to do with His external conditions, upbringings or possessions. He was not affected by a mom who worried about Him. What if His dad was a controlling person? What if His mom had OCD and always wondered if He would marry? What if His brother's picked on Him and called Him names? He knew of this and still was not affected. He was not a stoic or immune to emotion, but He was okay with who He was. He could live with Himself and because of this He could continually and intentionally enter a normal Homo sapien's world and change that world. His name was Jesus Christ.

The Possibilities Are Endless

2005-12-15T15:04:00.000-08:00

We fear our highest possibility (as well as our lowest).
We are generally afraid to become that which we can
glimpse in our most perfect moments…We enjoy and
even thrill to the godlike possibilities we see in
ourselves in such peak moments. And yet we
simultaneously shiver with weakness, awe and
fear before the very same possibilities.

-Abraham Maslow

Friends

2005-12-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What?! You too? I thought I was the only one!'"

-C.S. Lewis

As the saying goes in the South: "I smell what you stepped in!"

Anxiety

2005-12-05T19:57:00.000-08:00

"Anxiety is the result of the perception of the truth of one's condition."

-Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

St. Augustine

2005-12-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

On happiness...

That all men which to be happy is a certitude for anyone who can think. But, so long as human intelligence remains incapable of deciding which men are happy and how they become so, endless controversies arise in which philosophers waste their time and toil.

On the origin of sin...

If this evil will existed in no nature, then it did not exist at all. If it existed in some nature, then it vitiated, corrupted, injured that nature and, therefore, deprived it of some good. An evil will could not exist in an evil nature but only in a good one, mutable enough to suffer harm from this deprivation. For, if no harm were done, then there was no deprivation and, consequently, no right to call the will evil. But, if harm was done, it was done by destroying or diminishing what was good. Thus, an evil will could not have existed from all eternity in a nature in which a previously existing good had to be eliminated before the evil will could harm the nature. But, if it did no exist from all eternity, who, then, caused this evil will?
The only remaining suggesting is that the cause of the evil will was something which had no will. My next question is whether this "something" was superior, inferior or equal to the will. If superior, then it was better. So, then, how can it have the same: for, as long as two wills are equally good, one cannot produce an evil will in the other. The supposition remains, then, that it was an inferior thing without a will which produced the evil will of the angelic nature which first sinned.
But that thing itself, whatever it was, even though it was low to the lowest point of earthliness, was, without doubt good since it was a nature and a being having its own character and species in its own genus and order. How, I ask, can good be the cause of evil? For, when the will, abandoning what is above it, turns itself to something lower, it becomes evil because the very turning itself and not the thing to which it turns is evil. Therefore, an inferior being does not make the will evil but the will itself, because it is a created will, wickedly and inordinately seeks the inferior being...Take a person who says that the one who consents to the temptation and enticement made his own will evil although previously he had been entirely good. Recall the facts. The one (the evil man) consents, while the other (the good man) does not, to a sinful desire concerning a beautiful person; the beauty was seen by both equally, and before the temptation both men were absolutely aling in mind and body. Now, the person who talks of a man making his own will evil must ask why the man made his will evil, whether because he is a nature or because he is nature made out of nothing? He will learn that the evil arise not from the fact that the man is a nature, but from the fact that the nature was made out of nothing.

-City of God, St. Augustine

One of my favorite books

King of Glory

2005-11-22T05:19:00.000-08:00

Who is this King of Glory that persues me with his love
And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words
My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need
Who is this King of Glory who offers it to me

Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace
Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries
My spirit¹s ever longing for His grace in which to stand
Who's this King of glory, Son of God and son of man

His name is Jesus, precious Jesus
The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart
The King of glory

Who is this King of Glory with strength and majesty
And wisdom beyond measure, the graceous King of kings
the Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
Who is this King of Glory, He's everything to me

The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things
He is the King of glory, He's everything to me

-King of Glory, Third Day

Being Known

2005-11-13T20:12:00.000-08:00

What matters supremely, therefore, is not, in the last analysis, the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it--the fact that he knows me. I am graven on the palms of his hands. I am never out of his mind. All my knowledge of him depends on his sustained initiative in knowing me. I know him because he first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, one who loves me; and there is no moment when his eye is off me, or his attention distracted from me, and no moment therefore, when his care falters .
This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort--the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates--in know that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good...There is certain cause for humility in the thought that he sees all the twisted things about me...There is, however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend...We cannot work these thoughts out here, but merely to mention them is enough to show how much it means to know not merely that we know God, but that he knows us.

-J.I. Packer, Knowing God

It brings me comfort as well because He knows me. If I had created God, then it would start with me knowing about God. But I did not. He created me. Thus, He knew me first and in this knowledge of me He confirms my identity and His existence. This causes me to want to know Him in a greater way; to desire His presence...that would entail a desire to follow His Laws and commandments.

When Things Begin to Fall

2005-11-11T23:10:00.000-08:00

When the sunlight begins to fade
And the squirrels start to scurry
A change is in the air
Whether we are aware
When things begin to fall

The temperature is dropping
And the covers are needed in the nights
Soup begins to soothe
The cold that bites
When things begin to fall

The trees start to shed
And their limbs appear exposed
“Like a city without walls”
Character cannot be composed
When things begin to fall

Trees drop their pleasantries
That which gives them their identities
The ugliness of necessity
And survival is pellucid
When things begin to fall

Yet there is not just one season
In which a plant is a vivid liaison
Of a time of death and life
In this space and time which starts
When things begin to fall

The fallen leaves are not completely lost
In a vast forest of nature’s cost
Their death is the plant’s gain
In which it is sustained
When things begin to fall

This new life begins next spring
As a creator to the canvas He brings
A new hope, a new life
And sacrifice fit for a King
When things begin to fall

Sifting

2005-11-10T13:07:00.000-08:00

Simon, Simon (when a name is repeated in the Bible, it signifies deep emotion), behold (Stop. Listen to Me), Satan has demanded permission (Satan cannot wait to go after those who follow Christ-vss. 28-30) to sift you like wheat (Sifting is a process in the harvesting of wheat. It is the last task in the process. It signifies the end of the search for the true, valuable goods. Satan appears to have the discernment to search out our hearts as well and reveal what is there, by implementing external conditions. When I have sifted wheat, I had to work hours and hours to get the kernals. It is a long process, unlike reaping.); but I have prayed for you (John 17; His prayer), that your faith may not fail (my faith begins in Christ and grows through my choices); and you, when once you have turned again (We can return, just as Peter returned after his denial of Jesus), strengthen you brothers (It is in the continual contact with the love and grace of God through forgiveness and the cleaning of our feet, that gives us courage to help one another. Through our depravity and forgiveness, we see our true diginity).
-Luke 22:31-32 (my commentary)

Where Soul Meets Body

2005-11-04T05:30:00.000-08:00

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hand can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

-Where Soul Meet Body, Death Cab for Cutie

I find it interesting when I listen to the world around me. How they try to reconcile the disconnection internally awakens a hope with a voice in me. This song is a great song musically as well.

What Sarah Said

2005-11-03T10:10:00.000-08:00

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?...

-What Sarah Said, Death Cab for Cutie

I don't like ICU's as well...

My Epistemology

2005-11-01T15:50:00.000-08:00

I first saw The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring with friends during a Christmas break. I had not read the books (yes, I realize that may be a shock to some) and did not know there would be two more movies coming out. Enthralled by the action and captivated by the story, I found the movie magnificent—until the end. When the three main characters arrive at an overlook, peering into the tumultuous future ahead of them in the quest to destroy the ring, the movie abruptly ends. I was angered. Who ends a movie that way?! Who could live with writing such a masterpiece and yet have no ending?! Then my ignorance was revealed as I was told that there are more movies coming out.
This story came to mind because of my thoughts and the way I think. I have been pondering this for some time in my every day life. Certain questions will reveal my way of thinking and cause me to set back and stop. I often find myself thinking of things I know. “What am I going to do about lunch”; “Where do I want to study tonight”; “What am I going to do this weekend?” These are all questions I can deal with and answer. I ponder about people I know, about places I have been and I like reading materials on things that I know about. In my thought life, I have the perfect monastery.
Then the thought of death enter my mind. Not death as a whole, but this question: “When am I going to die?” Shiver. Gross. Ick. Why think about that? Why ponder that? And my subconscious was revealed. I do not like pondering that which I do not know. I do not know the answer to “when am I going to die,” so I will not choose to ponder it. It is uncomfortable. It is dark. It is depressing. But, it reveals something and that something is real. I will end and I am completely human.
Many questions that cannot be answered make me feel this way. Why is there sin? What if God is not real? Are we really alive or is it just a huge video game we are all apart of? It makes me feel uncomfortable because it causes me to go outside the world we live in. With deadlines, book endings, conclusions and periods, our world is all about endings. Movies with poor endings leave audiences talking and stimulated by pain or interests simply because there was no ending. The ending is not known. We like to know the end because it grants us a certain amount of power. “Just get it over with.” I find myself saying this statement time and time again, for the sake of control. I want to end the pain of uncertainty to be “happy.”
Yet, this world knows "true" nothing. In a material world, everything is so disconnected that reality is oblivious. We work, exercise, shop, eat and worship in different places. Our homes are where we sleep and store our fake identity objects, but nothing more. We can “know” someone for years, but never know them. We can drive by the same places every single day, but never realize they were there in the first place. Our world is so huge and we can communicate in so many ways in any place in the world, but still never know anyone.
“When am I going to die?” It is questions like these that continue to reveal who I am. Questions that cannot be answered, answer the question I have been asking: “Is there something more to life than this?” My knowledge has limitation and questions are proof of that. I can only go so far and know so much, but until I know Jesus Christ, I cannot make sense of this all. He does not answer the questions, but allows us to live in a world that does not answer all the questions. It is a painful thing to realize one is simply human, but it is a powerful, empowering truth. Knowledge becomes real and not superficial because it is obtain with a reason. Truth is not a curse word, but reality. Purpose is not a nirvana, but what is happening right here and now because our Savior can connect our minds, hearts and souls. The disconnection of who we are and where we live no longer exists.

The Epistemology of Humanity

2005-11-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

But among Christians there should be a more profound way to know each other. Let us say we want to have communication; we are sick of this horrible mechanical inhumanity that we find around us. We are sick of being simply IBM cards. The Christian boy and girl who want to be open with each other, the Christian husband and wife who want to be open with each other, the pastor and the people who want to be open with each other--how can they really do it, moving from the outside inward? The problem of knowing each other is the discrepency between what a man seems to be and what he is inside. That is always the problem with getting inside and getting to know each other. So how do you get through?
Can you see that to the extent to which people accept biblical teaching for the inward man as well as the outward man, there is an increasing integration of the inward and the outward man--because they see both the inward and the outward man under the unity of the same norms, in regard to both values and knowing? It is possible to move from the outward man to the inward man because there is an increasing alignment as both are bound by the same universal. We must allow the norms of God in values and knowing to bind the inward man as well as the outward man, so that there is less and less discrepancy between the inward man and the outward man.
Unhappily, we will not perfectly keep God's norm more in the internal world of thought than we do externally, and even (in a fallen world) perhaps not as much. But with God's norms of truth, morals, values and knowling, we have tracks (or, perhaps a better analogy, a North Star) which give unity to the internal and external world. God's norms not only give unity, but they also provide a bridge between these two worlds. This applies both for ourselves, and then to get down inside each other. When we step from the external to the internal world of thought, we are not on a sea without a shore either in regard to ourselves or in regard to the woman or the man who stand before us.

-Francis Schaeffer, He is There And He is Not Silent

Question

2005-10-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday I attended a Unitarian Church with my friend Joshua. The reason being was to hear Dr. John Dominic Crossan. Dr. Crossan is the co-chair for the Jesus Seminar, a new movement in theological circles to thwart the facts of the Bible through textual criticism. He is one of the leading liberal theologians of our day. Dr. Crossan, in a one hour symposium, reconciled the Old Testament and the New Testament in a way I am still pondering. He ended it with this:

"Justice without love is brutality. Love without justice is banality."

What are your thoughts?

Avery's Song

2005-10-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

Beaten
Decrepit
My life is leaving
But I’ve never felt so alive

It’s not the fact that life is good
Or in the way I see the sunset
No, it’s because I am faced with who I am

Humanity is best described
When passing before your eyes
You can’t make sense of it
It leaves you speaking equivocally

With this leaving me
The true test of identity begins
I can’t hold on to my fig leaves
My humanity is exposed

But there is One who Is
And He doesn’t forsake this son
Why He receives me
Leaves me speaking equivocally

Humanity is best described
When passing before your eyes
You can’t make sense of it
It leaves you speaking equivocally

And now true reality has begun
I don’t know the beginning, ending or intermission
Like a coda with sweet sound
My life will end six feet underground
And my soul will rest in eternity

The end is such a disgruntled term
A signal of life stopping
Like a runner at a race’s end
But it leaves those who are left
Speaking equivocally

Humanity is best described
When passing before your eyes
You can’t make sense of it
It leaves you speaking equivocally

This is for a friend who is a regular at St. Bucks, has recently been diagnosed with Leukemia and within three days and several treatments, deteriorated rapidly.

J.D. Unplugged

2005-10-12T16:51:00.000-07:00

In my experience living this post-modern, city life, there seems to be two questions that spark more fear, anxiety and animosity in me than any other questions. The first question is, “If I could do anything, what would it be?” The second question is, “If I could marry anyone, who would that be?”

The first question, dealing with what I do, is usually posed on me or others if the reason for doing is not known. People get frustrated with jobs, they dislike their current position in life and automatically, the self-examination starts. “If I could do anything, what would it be?” My rational thinking starts with the positives and negatives. “I don’t like doing this, I do like doing this” I tell myself and analyze the data. Then, I will go to others and ask their advice on the situation. My analysis always starts with the external--how I think, how I feel and why I do those things.

The second question deals with “The One.” “The One” is looked at as the pinnacle of “The Life” I live. If only I could find “The One.” When will I discover “The One?” Did I miss “The One?” Did I make a mistake and leave “The One?” In my understanding, “The One” is so focused on, that “The One” evolves into an image instead of a person. Find. Discover. Lose. These are all terms I use or have heard multiple times in describing the “search” for “The One.” As if “The One” is a treasure that is unheard of. My life is in constant turmoil between the truth in Genesis about Him creating me for someone else and the sacrifice of my own life to Him. Yes, I have a will and a brain to use in order to enter the life of another, but when and who? My life (the will to choose) is continually pondered, but my death (my depravity) is frequently ignored.

What mystifies me of both of these questions is not the manner in which I attempt to answer them, but why I am asking them in the first place. I do not pose these questions because I know who I am, but because I do not know who I am. That is why these make me anxious, fearful and confused. I then try to find meaning in what I do and who I am by focusing on things which I can see. I will build fixated images of the perfect “The One” and idolize my own needs that this person will fulfill when I am really saying, “God, I am in control and can take care of my life by myself.” I am setting myself up for a huge disappoint in placing that much focus on another fallen, human being. It is fun having a personal god.

“If I could do anything….” This implies that it is I who am in charge of the reason for my existence. I live in a culture that exalts the will of the human spirit. While running the marathon in Chicago with 40,000 other people and over 1 million watching and cheering, nothing was more powerful than the power of humanity. We were running on 26.2 miles of man made creation. Concrete, asphalt and building reaching to the skies seemed to echo the lifestyle, “I am great, try and stop me.” The will of a person to run for 26.2 miles is immense and the power of that many people coming together for one common goal was breathtaking. It is hard to see how feeble man is in the big city. Yet, if one poses the question—“If I could do anything….”—it exposes one's brokenness. It exposes an inexperience of being god. One cannot be god and thus one cannot decide what to do. Sure, some people will answer that quickly, but then ponder it and have several other answers. I desire, fight and claw for control in my life, but when given the chance to chose it, I have no idea what I would do with it.

I have no idea who I am apart from Christ. My life is filled with temporal, ephemeral chores to fill a life, but it does not create life. My death is what really determines who I am. I am quick to forget that my next breathe could be my last. I quickly forget I could lose my job, my finances and my ability to run in an instant. My “image” can change in an instant, but in that instant my true image is revealed. Christ did not create me to be in-charge of my kingdom, but to receive Him—His love, His grace, His forgiveness and His discipline. I am the slave, not the Master.

I think these are bad questions. They are difficult to answer and if they are answered, they are little help to me. “Who am I” gives me much more comfort. It is not an escape from reality, but a reality check. If God is who He said and says He is and He blesses those who fear Him, then I must trust Him. I must trust that He is my source of identity, my life, my purpose, my love, my hope and my being. In knowing Him, I can do that which I am created to do because I receive love not based on my works, but by faith. I can know who I am to be partnered with, because my God is the creator of each and every person. He knows me greater than I know myself. Does He make choices of our careers and love life for us? No. My choices will not determine the amount He loves me.

Who is my god? Who am I? Can I trust Him in my death? I can answer these questions. These help me with the real issues of my life. The rest is just details.

Chicago

2005-10-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

"If you want to run, then run a mile. If you want to experience another life, run a marathon."
- Emil Zatopek

"The only way to define your limits is by going beyond them." – Anonymous

"DO or DO NOT. There is no TRY" - Jedi Master Yoda (Star Wars)

"pressure is nothing more than the shadow of great opportunity." - Michael Johnson

"You have to forget your last marathon before you try another. Your mind can't know what's coming." - Frank Shorter

"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible." - Doug Larson

"The will to win means nothing if you haven't the will to prepare."
- Juma Ikangaa, 1989 NYC Marathon winner

"I'd like do better than the first time [a 2:38:47 in 1998]. I reached the Willis Avenue Bridge near mile 20 and it was a whole new world of hurt I knew nothing about."
Tom Nohilly, top ranked US steeplechaser, reflecting on his first marathon attempt - the NYC Marathon in 1998

"Running has given me the courage to start, the determination to keep trying, and the childlike spirit to have fun along the way. Run often and run long, but never outrun your joy of running." -Julie Isphording, Marathon winner

"You have to think that you can't quit. Your brain wants to quit, but you have to fight it. It has nothing to do with speed, and everything to do with finishing."
-Abe Weintraub (completed 9 NYC Marathons between age 80 and 90)

"You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go Y
ou only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo"
-Lose Yourself, Eminem

"Suffering is the sole origin of consciousness." -Dostoyevsky (Russian writer)

"I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure." Ian Charleson as Eric Liddell in Chariots of Fire

"Let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us."-Hebrews 12:1

Oh crap this is going to hurt....

Love's Limericks

2005-10-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

I’m waiting for the phone to ring
A message that someone will bring
That I am alive, I am alive
My life is in the modern drive
And awaken my heart to a song to sing

My identity relies on the way
I communicate each day
Who will I be? Who will I become?
Will any one confirm this, please someone?
Man, it's confusing to be a stray

In this warm climate my heart is cold
I feel used, beaten up, despised and old
The exhaustion of this life I live
Seems to be a continuous sieve
And makes me feel like a slave that is sold

Inside of me there seems to be a jam
I can be so much more, so much better and superman
But I can’t seem to put it together
Why is it that I can be blown like a feather?
As my heart continues to be damned

And then "mine eye diffused a quickening ray”
And my heart was awakened in a weird, simple kind of way
I had forgotten how to receive
That which is life to me
All the love My Father has for this stray

I don’t understand how I receive it
I don’t understand why He does it
It brings me to tears
And erases all my fears
When I receive His love and rest in it

My heart is awakened
Even more so than when called, e-mailed or text-ed by a friend
It gives me life and hope and serenity
And makes me ponder eternity
And my life to Him is beckoned

Why I don’t continually receive
Is a mystery to me
I am fallen. I am corrupt
I sometimes have an empty cup
But this love to me flows from a Savoir who died on a tree

Be still my heart, my soul, my identity
You are in good company
It is God who loves you not because of what I do
What I say, what I wear, where I go or who I talk to
But because He is He and I am me

Audience of One

2005-09-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

I come on my knees

To lay down before you

Bringing all that I am

Longing only to know you

Seeking your face

And not only your hand

I find you embracing me

Just as I am

And I lift these songs

To you and you alone

As I sing to you

In my praises make your home

Chorus:

To my audience of one

You are Father, and you are Son

As your spirit flows free,

Let it find within me

A heart that beats to praise you.

And now just to know you more

Has become my great reward

To see your kingdom come

And your will be done

I only desire to be yours,Lord

So what could I bring

To honor your majesty

What song could I sing

That would move the heart of royalty

And all that I haveIs the life that you’ve given me

So Lord let me live for you

My song with humility
And Lord as the love song

Of my life is played

I have one desire

To bring glory to your name

CHORUS

And we lift these songs

To you and you alone

As we sing to you

In our praises make your home

CHORUS

Worlds Apart

2005-09-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

I am the only one to blame for this

Somehow it all adds up the same

Soaring on the wings of selfish prideI flew too high and like Icarus I collide

With a world I try so hard to leave behind

To rid myself of all but love

to give and die

To turn away and not become

Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves

more deeply than the oceans,

more abundant than the tears

Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice

Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart

To need you - I am on my knees

To love you - take my world apart

To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone

Amongst remains of a life I should not own

It takes all I am to believe

In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?

All I am for all you are

Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

and wipe away the crimson stains

and dull the nails that still remain

More and more I need you now,

I owe you more each passing hour

the battle between grace and pride

I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain

and wash the feet and cleanse my pride

take the selfish, take the weak,

and all the things I cannot hide

take the beauty, take my tears

the sin-soaked heart and make it yours

take my world all aparttake it now, take it now

and serve the ones that I despise

speak the words I can't deny

watch the world I used to love

fall to dust and thrown awayI look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

so wipe away the crimson stains

and dull the nails that still remain

so steal my heart and take the pain

take the selfish, take the weak

and all the things I cannot hide

take the beauty, take my tears

take my world apart, take my world apart

I pray, I pray, I pray

take my world apart

world apart

"Lord, help me to love you...."

Fixing

2005-09-04T16:57:00.000-07:00

“When the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse?....
I want to fix you.”
-Fix You, Coldplay

My brokenness was revealed to me in a different way this week. While contemplating it, two childhood memories invaded my mystical mind. The first memory is cleaning. Every single Saturday if we were not dying or on vacation, my mom would have us children cleaning the tiny house we all lived in. This was not cleaning of our own rooms solely, but of the entire house. And it was not the simple tasks of vacuuming or dusting, but cleaning the ceilings, the microwave and the sides of the refrigerator. It was extensive! To this day I still have impulses on Saturday morning to clean something. It is apart of my identity.

The second memory deals with ants. Growing up in Indiana, we did not have fire ants, but other types that were harmless. These tiny creatures would create small, tidy mounds of sand in the side walks or patios if sand were used as the sub-base. Obscure to the surroundings, these diligent creatures would create these mounds anywhere—whether in desolates parking lots, or at an entrance to a store. Many times I inadvertently destroyed the colony in one sweep of the foot and sent the ant architects and engineers back to the drawing board.

These stories came to my mind because I had been pondering them for sometime. Then, as I helped out at the Red Cross in Reunion Arena and the Convention Center, the reason for my pondering was made evident. In my busyness of helping other people in a terrible situation, the questions of “Who am I;” “Why am I here;” and “Where is my heart” made me stop internally. It intrigued me to ponder this in the midst of the situation and see where my heart was.

I am a typical guy. I see a problem and I fix it. The cleaning memory I think is a great example of it. If something is dirty, then I clean it. I make it right. I fix it. If someone has a problem, I want them to share it with them and then I will either fix it or tell them how to fix it. Obviously, this drives people nuts—especially female humans. But in this pondering of my fixing, I see something deeper at work. We sweep and clean, repaint, remodel and renovate because we live in a dying society. If we do not, it will crumble and fall. It will deteriorate. Please, don’t get me wrong. Cleanliness and being a good owner is a way of showing gratitude of a possession, but if the maintenance of that possession is done for the reason of control, it is wrong. I find myself cleaning and maintaining things because I can easily control it. I can fix it. If the problem cannot be solved, it disturbs me.

Our society seems to be that way as well. Our “bad parts” of town are the areas that are not “fixed.” They have broken sidewalks and streets as well as weeds in parking lots. The way we treat our lawns with chemicals is another way. I recently have met a man who helped me see this. We Americans will do anything for green lawns and weed-free beds—trust me I am in the landscape industry. A weed is classified as a plant out of place, because we are to know what goes where. Thus, we control the weeds with chemicals and fertilizers. We exercise frustration of not having control over all things, so we control the things we can. We try and try and try to recreate the Garden of Eden, but weeds are apart of the curse.

In this insatiable desire to fix things, I see the ant memory come into play. If something happens, I try to fix it immediately to bring it back to normality. I seldom think of my heart in the matter, but I make “it” the exact same way “it” was before. If my future plans fall in shambles, “No problem!” I will say and recreate other plans. I rebuild fervently to take back control.
I am sure that the ants do not ponder why the mound fell, but simply work to repair it and carry out the daily lives. In this lack of pondering, relief work seemed similar to me. We, the volunteers, had a problem, we answered to the problem and we fixed the problem. We will rebuild what we can, and what we cannot, we will make a memorial of it. It is simply an external expression of the complete brokenness internally.

I would classify these times in America as “bad.” A “bad day” or “bad season” in my life is defined as a place in space and time when I am not in control. Good times are when I am. Yet, my brokenness is not characterized by my external days of bad or good, but constant. I am always in need of Someone greater than me. Yet I deceive myself into thinking of the “bad days” as the days when I am broken, and the “good days” when I am not. I easily forget after fixing the problem, that there was Someone who allowed the problem to be produced in the first place. Like the ants, I fix it (externally) and move on.

Jesus did not teach us how to solve our problems, but taught us about the God of the problems. Christians are not greater than others because we have the solutions, but we can live in light of our brokenness. Yes, we are to help feed the poor, cloth them and give them shelter. We are to love them, but not love them because they are less than us, but simple because they are our neighbor. Someone who loses everything is not worse off than us, they just realize who they truly are in light of God and humbled. I think the reason why we are to help the poor is not to help them, but to remind us of who we are. I always learn more about me and my brokenness when helping “less fortunate” people. It is the poor person who helps me realized I am a broken individual who plays the part of a fixed individual very well.

In these times of God revealing to us humans that we are not in control, don’t forget this. Don’t forget it as you do service. One can easily lose one’s identity in serving humanity. Serving by all means is not wrong, but if it is done with the wrong heart, it is dangerous. Christian Scientologist as well as Muslims and Jews were all serving at the Red Cross together. But we Christians can be the only people who can speak to people’s brokenness and explain why we are broken. We can explain that this utter tragedy is the cause of no action or reaction, but simply the explanation that we live in a fallen world and are not in control of it. We can explain that there is no explanation. Amelioration is not wrong, but in the process, remember that we can fix the external and rebuild the external, but the internal can still be broken.

Be My Escape

2005-08-31T07:11:00.000-07:00

I’ve given up on giving up slowly,

I’m blending in so You won’t even know me

apart from this whole world that shares my fate

This one last bullet you mention

is my one last shot at redemption

because I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt

and insecurity

and I’ve been locked inside that house

all the while You hold the key

And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going

BecauseI gotta get outta here

I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

I gotta get outta here

And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now

Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how

He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there

And this life sentence that I’m serving

I admit that I’m every bit deserving

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity

and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key

And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I gotta get outta here Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake

I gotta get outta here And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity

Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made

And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me

But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity

and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key

And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because

I’ve gotta get outta here I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

I’ve gotta get outta here And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I fought You for so longI should have let You in

Oh how we regret those things we do

And all I was trying to do was save my own skin

But so were You

So were You

24

2005-08-16T06:33:00.000-07:00

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles,
see the world change
Wrestled the angel,
for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

And You're raising the dead in me

Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.

I'm not copping out.
Not copping out.
Not copping out.

It's Funny How We Think

2005-08-12T03:20:00.000-07:00

It is funny how we Christians think. “I don’t drink,” “I don’t smoke”, “I don’t engage in homosexuality or premarital sex.” In sharing the gospel, we share the Roman Road and what we must do to become a Christian. We share to non-believers what sacrifice we go through in order to “enter the kingdom of heaven.” In our theology circles, we form new doctrines around who we are not instead of who we are. We immerse ourselves in our culture in order to block out the world. In this new form of monasticism, we read Christian literature, memorize scripture, sing songs, listen to songs and messages on the radios to consume our minds. However, what happens when we get away from these. What happens when we stop doing this task oriented with our senses? Was Jesus “tasked oriented” or moved by the Spirit of God? Was He not the One who seemed to be lawless in the eyes of the law makers?

Many Christians will say, “Don’t ever do that! You must press on and bite the bullet, but continue to do these tasks.” However, if God was the true, living God, would He be outside of our minds as well? Would he not aver His existence through the world that He created? What happens when we “walk away from Him,” and do the abnormal? As I strive in this arduous walk, there is one thing I am certain about: My God is great. He cannot be contained in the world that we live in, He cannot be captured by human imagination. As Sarah Groves states in her song, “I’m confined by my senses, to really know what you are like. You are more than I can fathom, and more than I can guess and more than I can see with human sight.” What sets Christianity apart from the rest of the religions? What makes Christianity different from other practices and beliefs? Is there more to our walk than the duties of going to church, singing songs, saying prayers and reading our Bibles?
It comes down to one thing-Who is your God. Can He truly be known by us capricious creatures? Can we have fellowship with Him? Why do we need Him? I have learned that I live for purpose. I have learned that I desire to know myself and investigate who I am constantly. In this never-ending quest, I have worn myself out. It is at the point of exhaustion that I have discovered what has always existed-identity is given to us, not created by us. I cannot know why or what I am doing until I know Jesus Christ, the One who has given me my identity. Do I know where I am going? No. Do I know what I will be doing in five years? Ha, yeah right. However, I have a peace that passes all understanding that my God knows, and He loves me. It is in this truth that I am able to live with myself and enjoy this space in time called life.
Are you packing your senses full of Christanity that you have forgotten the senses are temporal? Have you plowed through the Christian life in the obedience of the doctrines of scriptures only to find you have no idea who you are? Have you forgotten the Spirit of God? We do not need another “perfect Christian” in this world. We need people who hold to the essence of the Spirit of God. Do not brainwash yourselves anymore, but allow your Spirit to enjoy the presence of the most High God. For it is in Him we live and move and have our being.